Finished Folds (301—320)
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2the spinning sawblades and laser beams had nearly made it to our delicate loins. Many a day I look back and thank that spanner for allowing to keep my penis, which I have used to
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1Little did I know, I truly was "looking like a fool with my pants on the ground."
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1"I was always good at starting fires!" Bobby said proudly, backing away from his latest endeavor.
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0My fingers wandered dangerously close to her lips, stopping long enough on the way to brush through her brown hair. She embraced it, and gazed deeply into my eyes like a doll would
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6I was awoken by the sirens blaring dangerously close to the ditch I was residing in. Dazed and confused, I fumbled for my cocaine and pants, neither of which were where I remembered
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2of my collection, of course, is John Stamos. I keep him in on the sofa in my lounge. Sometimes we watch CSI together, and he'll topple over on me and for a second I feel like
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0"This music is too cheerful for the scene!" He yelled, dead mice covering the floor. With little choice left, he ran away as quickly as he could. Nobody could know he was there.
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0And they would have called it that too, if it weren't for their melted faces. The new weapon I had created was making quick work of both the zombies and the snowmen until
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1the only thing I had to lash out with - my genitalia, still dripping with scalding gouda after the incident with the fondue machine. This was not the best of weapons to ward of
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3upon his already brittle legs. He collapsed like a picnic chair in a tornado, trapped between the horrid shag carpeting and Oprah Winfrey's naked body.
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5alpaca-shaped hole in my wall will never get fixed. Despite this falter in my resolve, I decided that it would be best to see what the Lowes had in stock.
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0And cum they did, every one of them. It would have been a rather glorious thing to see, had I not been sitting in the middle of it, like a game of soggy biscuit with my mouth open.
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1Depends. Did they say "no homo" beforehand? Probably. Who am I to get in between a group of men and their shower? Maybe they all really like cleanliness.
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3If death were a person, I would call him a greedy bitch. He always had a way of taking the good people away, leaving the assholes behind for me to deal with.
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3Most of them preferred making me swallow theirs most of the time. It's that sort of social persecution that drives a man to do things like this - who in their right mind would
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1pressed the start button - aware that this life was indeed my last. I quickly pressed Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start, a code I was now very familiar with
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1becoming a professional ballerina. Sure my parents never supported me, and most people called me crazy, but it was something about those pink slippers and tutu that drew me in.
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3the terrible monstrosity which is neither chicken finger nor nugget. Confounding all manners of scientific definition, the Fugget caused chaos in school cafeterias across the globe
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2Unfortunately for her, despite his lack of vision he knew his mother's voice when he heard it. His complex kicked in, and Oedipus chased her around the house, knocking over plants
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5"I never could bring myself to massage feet. That's why I got my first divorce." I said loudly. "What about the second?" Harold asked over the noise in the crowded bar we occupied.