Finished Folds (681—700)
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3one day I'm a lumberjack and the next I'm a super intelligent cephalopod?" He changed into a bawling infant. "WAA uh-uh WAAA." His endless self pity and constant, annoying whining
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2in the filth. So I did. My barbels had taste buds. The crap tasted delicious! I ate it. Then I tasted a state representative's ankle. It was like 10,000 volt chocolate. I ate him.
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7The older guy Sharona had been seeing was turning out to be a possessive creep. All this my, my, my business, and all the talk about getting it up and making his motor run was just
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5led me to Pancho Villa Taqueria on 16th street. The hand ordered an especial carne asada burrito for me. Tasty, but I was still despondent. "You must buy more," suggested the hand.
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6I contrived fissionably late at Becky's for her perennial Christmas fiasco. "I love that debacle you're wearing!" she sprayed dejectedly. I began malingering with the other guests.
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6She pesters him with annoying questions. She sneaks into his room at night and yells "Creampuff!" She shows up on his dates. She gets him fired. As his older sister she thinks
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4that her nose got in the way. She'd always wanted a cute 2mm long turned up nose, so she had cosmetic surgery. Now she could use her gums to scrub the tub with unprecedented zest.
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10Like the "A taste as big as your backside" fiasco. But right now he had to keep his job and come up with a slogan for navy beans. Aren't they really gassy? Who'd want that anyway?
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3Was this the shrooms or… Then the LSD kicked in. Everyone's auras took on geometric patterns. Why did he eat his entire stash before class? Now the peyote made the patterns become
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5"Why were you REALLY researching Pu-239 online?" said the NSA agent. "A story on FoldingStory had Batman using a uranium powered fork. I wrote that it exploded. I wanted to be accu
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4had replaced the U-235 with Pu-239. Neutrons from the huevos initiated a runaway chain reaction -- a thermonuclear explosion right in their faces! What could save the Dynamic Duo
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5, killing The Toaster & his henchmen. "Holy corndog!" said Vienna Sausage. "Time is running out for the pigs in a blanket at the school," said Wienerman. The Wienermobile rocketed
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3who was blasting my lower chakras with 1000 watts of orange light. "Because you refuse to come for two sessions a week," she said, "just avoid the guy." But his twisted cruelty
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5The hippie hick said, "Thanks I need one of these!" Just kidding. He screamed & blood sprayed everywhere as I hacked him to bits. I put away my circular saw & straightened my tie.
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8Slang math considers zero to be a meaningless placeholder. So "2 x 1 = 2" is read as "twenty time ten be 2 grand." But is used as a value, "1 - 1 = 0" is "1 from 1 ain't nothin."
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5, Hawking could go f- his black holes! Fatty Godmother went to the Supremely Obese Godmother for a transfer. The S.O.G. sighed and said, "The universe is a hologram on the surface
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3funeral along with the twins in the accident, all my grandparents died at the funeral, my boss & coworkers in the explosion, girlfriend went missing, friends, neighbors all dead.
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5hygiene and courtesy are no more. Therefore I must end my life. - At this point I answered the door. It was my cat. "Good evening, Dada. I have returned. I speak proper English now
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4Pedro was playing in the dust when he found a little pot. "Buenos días, Pedro. Place a peso in me & I will answer any question you put to me." "¡Alas, I have not a single centavo!"
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4Now as you know, Bob, time travel is a lot like traveling by car. It takes time. Time isn't straight. You need a steering wheel. You merge with the 5 millennia/hr traffic on the