Finished Folds (161—180)
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4the very minute we stepped off the boat.” The Man Who Folded the World informed Det. Manatee that he enjoyed the kiss in a symbiotically platonic way. Det. Manatee grew aroused.
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4e. I knew nothing about my heritage; my pillow guy, Mike Lindell, was my illegitimate Uncle on Mother’s side; I was nowhere on the inheritance list. Pillow fights were my outlet.
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2the swaying leaves: the bees hummed harmony and the rhythm was in the trees. But I kept believing that chaos was my only friend, ad it became evident that I was too high to drive.
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1Ringggggggg… “Oh, wow!” cried the therapist, opening his phone and disarming the timer, “Can you believe sixty minutes went by that fast. Like a hummingbird. Zip.” “But I was just
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3The time had arrived for Cicada Man to come out of the darkness; after seventeen years underground, seventeen years of tranquility, my tapioca pearls had turned final plateau black
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3certain death, the emaciated Tiger asked, “Why didn’t you pay the extra $4.73 and eat?” The master pulled a gun and shot him, declaring, “I have my money and I am no longer hungry.
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6Gertrude Stein was referring to her alter ego, Alice B. Toklas’s evil cousin, Bonnie Parker (not that Bonnie Parker), who could ramble on for hours about Matzah with rye and spelt.
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2Good things like office parties where a broad in a dental-floss bikini jumps out of a giant cake & safely gives everybody a lap dance, & carefully licks the gin off everyone’s chin
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3as brains would allow. Anachronism Gardens became the choice spot for The Church of The SubGenius and The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster worshipers to verbally abuse each
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3Periodic Table onto each cheese curd, hoping the spirit of Cadmus could enter their blood and turn them all into a rechargeable being destined to live forever, if the sun shines on
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3a freeze-dried cube of pure caffeine, a jigger of 190 proof rum, a gram of Purple Haze, and a tab of acid. You’ll believe you can grab hold of COVID’s hideous heart and flatten it.
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1…it was that quick, one second everything is copacetic; the next second “boom,” you’re down like a sack of sand… Just a single grain of sand in an endless sandbox of alien origin.
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3The Breakers of Palmdale, not to be confused with The Breakers of Dale’s Palm, in either case, a picture of an electric breaker afloat a giant breaker racing past the breakers.
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2“If there’s one thing I can’t stomach,” said Big Jim, “It’s a stoolpigeon. Hell, back in ’06, if someone even thought about being a stoolpigeon, a group of nunchaku-trained nuns
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3Start by freezing the bubbles. Place the entire dress in the freezer with you in it (about 3 hours should do it). Because of your square ass, you’ll now have a square bubble dress.
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2and eat 24 hours a day for 3 years until her waist size matched her bra size, but she gave up because her waist size grew from 20 to 25 while her bra size went from 756B to 999DDD.
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2A Layman would’ve tossed in the towel, checked into Betty Ford wearing a dental-floss-bikini, and spent a week under the bed playing tiddlywinks with Madonna. But I kept drinking.
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4I spent a full year, birthday 30, sharing an apartment with a burly biker dude named James. We both were messengers, taking legal documents from attorneys and filing them in court.
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3phlebotomists and toxicologists. Later, when more woke, I got creative & converted the lab into a dressmaker’s shop, using the lead pathologist’s mummified corpse as a mannequin.
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5I just flipped out & went bananas. Anger always seems to be the tipping point for me. Like the time I beat a Big Mac with a hammer because it was supposed to be a quarter pounder.