Finished Folds (161—180)
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6Gertrude Stein was referring to her alter ego, Alice B. Toklas’s evil cousin, Bonnie Parker (not that Bonnie Parker), who could ramble on for hours about Matzah with rye and spelt.
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2Good things like office parties where a broad in a dental-floss bikini jumps out of a giant cake & safely gives everybody a lap dance, & carefully licks the gin off everyone’s chin
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3as brains would allow. Anachronism Gardens became the choice spot for The Church of The SubGenius and The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster worshipers to verbally abuse each
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3Periodic Table onto each cheese curd, hoping the spirit of Cadmus could enter their blood and turn them all into a rechargeable being destined to live forever, if the sun shines on
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3a freeze-dried cube of pure caffeine, a jigger of 190 proof rum, a gram of Purple Haze, and a tab of acid. You’ll believe you can grab hold of COVID’s hideous heart and flatten it.
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1…it was that quick, one second everything is copacetic; the next second “boom,” you’re down like a sack of sand… Just a single grain of sand in an endless sandbox of alien origin.
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3The Breakers of Palmdale, not to be confused with The Breakers of Dale’s Palm, in either case, a picture of an electric breaker afloat a giant breaker racing past the breakers.
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2“If there’s one thing I can’t stomach,” said Big Jim, “It’s a stoolpigeon. Hell, back in ’06, if someone even thought about being a stoolpigeon, a group of nunchaku-trained nuns
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3Start by freezing the bubbles. Place the entire dress in the freezer with you in it (about 3 hours should do it). Because of your square ass, you’ll now have a square bubble dress.
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2and eat 24 hours a day for 3 years until her waist size matched her bra size, but she gave up because her waist size grew from 20 to 25 while her bra size went from 756B to 999DDD.
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2A Layman would’ve tossed in the towel, checked into Betty Ford wearing a dental-floss-bikini, and spent a week under the bed playing tiddlywinks with Madonna. But I kept drinking.
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4I spent a full year, birthday 30, sharing an apartment with a burly biker dude named James. We both were messengers, taking legal documents from attorneys and filing them in court.
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3phlebotomists and toxicologists. Later, when more woke, I got creative & converted the lab into a dressmaker’s shop, using the lead pathologist’s mummified corpse as a mannequin.
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5I just flipped out & went bananas. Anger always seems to be the tipping point for me. Like the time I beat a Big Mac with a hammer because it was supposed to be a quarter pounder.
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3dreamscape on a whim. It was so dreamy. Dream a little dream of me blared from the dreambox. Yet, the weight of the consumer price index on my mind choked me back to reality.
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3would have stayed discreet, if he hadn’t turned off the lights; if she didn’t see him in the moonlight, moseying toward her in the G-string she bought him for his last birthday.
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3Junior hit him so hard with a ruthenium mallet that brain matter sprayed all over Sal’s Armani suit. “Look out, Idiot!” Sal hollered. Junior smiled, “Hey, Sal, who’s this Ruth?”
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4When he awoke, it was dark. From the lump on his head, and coconut in his lap, his loss of time was made clear, but which way and where to go. He looked around without direction.
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3he pictured the act. To be, alone, but with lots of time, Juan, to meet another; or not to be, just dead in Jessie’s arms. Have you even kissed Jessie? Have you even seen her naked
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3the nude, her lumpy butt sloshing about like a pan of unset lemon Jell-O with bananas. BAM! Stunned, the woman turned to see the bird on its back, dead from self-inflicted gunshot.