5 Folds
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now wondering why Grandfather had been so insistent on that point. Could it be that, denied any real, sensual gratification himself since1954, he'd decided to take revenge on me -
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l henceforth rest themselves upon thy hallowed seat. Fear not, my brave porcelain soldier, for thine is the way of righteousness and the sins of those who would bleach you will be
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and had accrued into the rough shape of a hospital catering assistant; horrifyingly, this pseudo-dinner lady, literally full of shit, was wheeling a trolley around the wards and o
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her and all of her geriatric lovers. Unfortunately, Doug hadn't realised that the inmates were all extreme pescaphobes, and so his well-meant fish-based fancies proved fatal.
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e would be able to keep pace with him, secretly following him in her softest running shoes, all the way back to his other house. She longed for a glimpse of her competition - she w
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I grabbed him and hauled him forth. His face had the haunted look of an eavesdropper who overhears plans for his own murder. Clearly, discretion was too much effort. Lazy Susan!
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wished for sequels to "handstand cat visits the movies" and "hypermobile squirrel washes dishes" but YouTube had run dry on me, and now all that was left to watch was industrial po
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d for psychotropic medication on repeat prescription. "It's too late for words" the black hole whinged, blackly. "I don't think you fully appreciate the gravity of the matter", rep
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the pony sauntered up alongside me and let my tyres down with his specially sharpened hooves. But I didn't think anything of it. "So, a pissed-off pony", I muttered to myself, "wha
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It was ironic that the failed satellite that re-entered the atmosphere and struck Hilary dead one morning as she struggled with her writer's block was named "inspiration" by NASA.
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"Never play with your butt-plug" Nathaniel's father had told him when he was small - and he'd always heeded the advice. Until one day, curiosity gaining the upper hand, he pulled t
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Mandy scratched her head in bewilderment. She'd heard that the Turing test was a tough number, but she'd never expected this. Could a real person actually have said that? The only
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But who would be willing to take on the mammoth task of checking each one of my exes? There were hundreds of them, scattered across the globe, and each of those venomous witches
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? I asked myself. Perhaps I could? After all, in my previous job as a vacuum cleaner repair man, I'd always leaned towards the despotic when dealing with my clients. "Bagless!" I'd
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. After the screaming was over, I calmed down a little and considered more objectively how this giant living Mega Corpse was indeed a nightmare made flesh. Perhaps it wasn't all ba
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This was a question that I had pondered many times, both with, and without appropriate punctuation,. Experimentally, I took a sheet off the bed, flung it over me and said "woooo",
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Said the riddle inside the Christmas cracker. Boy - this was a tough one. Much harder than "my first is in sand, but not in sea". Benji scratched his head in dismay, as his father
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"I'm not ashamed to date bivalves - whatever my parents might think!" Daniel said to himself as he dined opposite his latest squeeze: a coquettish little clam who fluttered her
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a card when he came to view the collection, thrusting it at her before running away in blind panic. It read: "Aspergillus infection? Visit our private clinic, discretion assured!"
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"Behold," said the time traveller , "a visitor from the past!" as Edwin's furious Grandfather leapt forth. "You crazy bastard!" he screamed, "why do you keep trying to kill me?!"