Finished Folds (61—80)
-
2'A damsel in distress!' I thought. So I drove my Mercedes into the alligator. DESTROYED!!! Unfortunately, my car also destroyed her front door & living room. Alligator guts were
-
4acrid copper smell of pennies, I was happy to have something to do with my hands. But over time, coin counting stopped becoming lucrative. My boss gave me some unfortunate news:
-
3always stupider than Google." Maybe if grandpa Jacques had instead encouraged me to strive for higher things, I wouldn't have turned out to become a chimney sweep.
-
7edom, the contraversial display of a window that was not quite open but not quite closed (since a full grown man could fit through the shards of glass) went on to win many awards.
-
5"I've summoned you for something of great importance," a booming voice echoed from the sky. Whoa, was this the God of Whiskey? I kneeled down in the snow to demonstrate respect
-
4do." Francois took out a metal filer and performed a touch-up on his teeth, making sure they were razor sharp. I pointed out that Francois was in fact human, but just special
-
9This was because it stood for You Only Love Once, which is not the most uplifting motto. Needless to say, things got quite complicated when Spencer met 2 pretty women at
-
3that the dog did in fact eat his homework. The judge proclaimed little Johnny guilty & sentenced him to 1 month of being grounded without parole, as well as
-
3"And YOU get synthroid pills," Oprah pointed to an audience member. "And YOU get synthroid pills! And YOU get synthroid pills!" The audience went wild as they took their medication
-
3cheek. She was a MILF, after all. How else would you expect an older woman to show affection towards someone younger? Sandy and her young date sat down at the dining table
-
3opening his mouth, so I paid for Dr. Ajfdrugcbi's ventriloquist lessons. Now that I could handle being in the same room as my therapist, I tried to talk about my issues:
-
3I would have a friend that would actually like me; I won't have to fall asleep to kitten videos because he would be my daily dose of cuteness. CONS of owning a chinchilla:
-
3books ever taint children's young minds, I thought. Literacy is way overrated. "Kegstands in 10!!!" I shouted, as the book bonfire came to a close.
-
5up, made a toast to the dead man."Take him away,"Satan told his little yellow Minions with a flick of his fingers.Bob,Kevin&Stuart dragged the body away as Satan ate his deviledegg
-
4were such a pain in ass, though. Dropping them off at school felt like the day she asked her neighbour if she could dump her extra trash in their bin, and her neighbour said yes.
-
3"I think you should try using a different word other than 'sigh',"I told my student diplomatically. "&maybe you could work on the plot b/c it seems the climax came a bit too fast
-
3So once again put on my clown outfit&became Dr.Giggles."Let me fix your giggle mechanism!"I'd say to the kids.I'd reach under their armpits&tickle them.My arrest was not a surprise
-
6take the whole toilet paper roll and bring it home because you're a poor college student. However, in another parallel universe, you may be poor because
-
5"If you cut your corpus callosum,you can access both hemispheres of your brain simultaneously!"--meaning customers would have twice the multitasking power. I performed lobotomies
-
3Afterall, I've never bullshitted in my life, and I refuse to support anyone who would commit such a heinous crime. I've never lied, not even once.