Finished Folds (8221—8240)
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3is actually funny into the lame zone. I decided that I would add, "Uh-uh honey." To everything I said. At least until Tuesday. Then I would hit the little people in the nuts with a
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1And the capper is the words didn't make any sense! I mixed another Stolis. I took a big-foot drag on the cigar. This eulogy will send those old bastards at the American Legion
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1bucko? So he secretly installed a PA system while the guy was waiting atop the mountain for Jesus' return. When the big man didn't return, he would come back. That's when the fun
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2pray love was her favorite movie. She had no idea that it was a novel. He was brilliant and talented. She was unskilled and a kook to boot. But she was hot. He did the math. Could
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3death. The principle kept "Magnus" his pit bull up there. The 3rd grader saw the dog who was licking himself. "Puppy!" he shouted as the dog lunged at him. It gripped his throat
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1tell a post-pubescent mama joke. They needed to know the difference. One was funny. One was stupid. If white people were ever going to be able to make the leap from
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0smells like moist fertilizer. I like to
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1Because he hated snowglobes. What he loved were those giant fake rocks you can buy at the giftshop at Alcatraz. He would throw them at people and watch them scream until the rock
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2but the drunk backhanded her in the face. The snowglobe shattered on the floor. He said, "Rosebud? Rosebud is that you?" Then the director yelled, "Cut!" Orson Welles was
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2but he realized that he was holding an axe and had accidentally chipped a slab of flesh from his calf. The blood vapors sent the animals howling and they lunged on him. He tried
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2Too bad she had the Refrigerator Magnet of Awesome Nullification in her pocket. It zeroed out the souvenir magic. She would have to see the Flying J Sorcerer in Hamiltonberg where
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1That's because I eat them. I take a glass cutter, create an incision, open my mouth and pull the globe apart. Sometimes I gargle the "toy water" and then I chew on the glass. The
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2The tornado touched down on his car. He blacked out. When he woke up he was in a giant cave. Glistening rocks moved around him. Something slimy oozed across his windshield.
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4That's when Buddha appeared. He wasn't fat like Chinese renditions. He was a thin Indian dude. "What are you doing here?" John was in the Pizza Hut kitchen making a meat lover's
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4Crossing the galactic sea had been easy. The silicone radar systems was a different matter. His hull contained the forbidden materials. That's why they were going to make him
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3He didn't get up to give her the seat. Screw her. Screw her and her inability to control her stomach. She used to be hot but now she was a pig. Well, he no longer had to be
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4She was going to break up with him this time. He didn't call, he didn't come home. He was with that tramp Tracy. She ran outside and there he was, passed out on the porch, a bottle
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5The skis were chattering down the slopes. He tucked even tighter. The cold was killing his face. A kid on the ski lift dropped a pole and it flew right into his chest. He felt
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4over a WalMart parking lot in Everett, WA. To him it looked like Afganistan. That's when he saw Osama. Holy crap, he was carrying a vacuum cleaner. He didn't wait for orders, he
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6was real. My parents had been right. Santa did exist and he had totally destroyed my house. How do you get even with someone who lives in the North Pole? Well first you