13 Folds
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champagne, flavoured with orphan tears. Have a Louboutin for dessert." The author leaned back, satisfied. Yes, The Rich Bastard's Cookbook would be a hit. -
2
If you ask me, the most nefarious type of pasta is
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Mama is so ugly, she
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8
It's true -- FS has truly turned our world into an utopian paradise where all FS writers can be happy. All folds are equal, but some folds are more equal than others.
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9
An unforeseen effect: she got the power to see the future of cookies. This being so, she renamed herself The Oreocle and spent her days predicting the downfall of Thin Mints.
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5
"Lenny, what've I told you about weapons at the table?" I said. "What weapons?" He was trying feebly to conceal his machete. I chewed my steak and said, in a low deadly tone, "
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2
he started paying a balloonman to follow him around in his day-to-day life. That way he always had a choice even when it came to the worst. And he chose the balloons every time.
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clear that somebody had mixed up the roles for this twisted pantomime. "Hey, uh," the newcomer said, "I'm supposed to be the love interest--" "NO!" George roared. "I'M the
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9
double-breasted charcoal Armani suit. Was there anything scarier than a clown in designer togs? No, he thought happily, watching kids flee screaming "Haute couture!" There wasn't.
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6
He found a way: paint it grey, pose it in the park. Children skipped around the new statue, lost puppies sheltered under it. The murderer got an award for service to the community.
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4
Lloyd shrugged. "Not my Cadillac! Still can't get any worse than this!" Just as he thought this, his son stumbled into the house, covered in blood and...mustard? "Dad, I killed
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5
Suddenly they heard somebot imploring them to stop. It was Cloverbot, who had luckily stumbled in on the middle of Cleverbot and Cleaverbot's fight. Cloverbot separated them easily
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3
I told her. Then she told me: she and Phillip had a thing the whole time, and now they've invited me to join them. Sometimes life really does work out for the best.
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salad. Anyway, in my dream I'm looking for the mouse when I pull a dead body from the tub. Now there are flies buzzing around my whiskers and my paws are stained red with
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, his pockets filled with money; he was halfway home when he realised it'd all vanished. Leprechaun gold. "That's what I get for playing poker with Ol' Seamus," he sighed.
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1
. "Wait a second, this isn't fish," he said, looking down at the pink-tinged flesh on his fork. "It's
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4
his toenails, which wasn't much. Didn't help that he liked to eat his cash pool, bill by bill, like pieces of lettuce. He put his money where his mouth was.
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5
The problem worsened when she met Fun Gus, another shroom-addicted party animal. They enabled each other horribly, but they were known as the exciting, passionate power couple, so
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. There was no way I'd relinquish Mr Cuddles to this axe-wielding madman. Finally, he said, "If you don't hand over the teddy, I'm going to kill your
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4
Little Oscar's remix of One Fish Two Fish earned him a trip to the counselor's office, where she asked questions to determine the role Duck Dong played in his life. He insisted