Finished Folds (301—320)
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2of evil. More showed up, and he rightly sensed doom. Tiptoeing around the frogs one night like Rod Taylor at the end of The Birds, he stepped on one. They leapt up, covering him.
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3nd as she fell, her sanctimonious ass thudding the ground. Looking up at her torn habit hanging on the convent wall by the nail, she gauged the wind and channeled Sister Bertrille,
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7The whole plan backfired, however. After we penetrated the black hole and climaxed, we wanted a cigarette and a nap. The black hole had other ideas, wanting to be held and cuddled.
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5I slept deeply. I must have had an active sleepwalking session: When I awoke it was ME in bed being cuddled and cooed at by 3 dwarfs and 4 fairies. Oh, I mustn’t forget the sheep.
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4I saw the aliens had also been building their leg muscles. Mine were downright puny in comparison. However, I had bigger nukes, and I blew their alien asses to smithereens. Now the
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2So the monarchy was divided between the “Say Somethings” and “Say Nothings.” Nobody acted, not wanting to offend. Spain exploited the crippled monarchy and launched another Armada.
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3not sit on THAT chair. Defiant, he walked to the chair and plopped down. The ejection spring cushion activated immediately, as did the roof opening. He flew up and out. “Told ya."
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4Sadly, he flunked Panhandling 101, especially the rule “Don’t insult the marks.” Telling marks “Eat my ass” got him no handouts. He graduated the course, achieving REAL starvation.
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7The Secretary of Defense demoted the General to a desk position, calling his fart reactions “conduct unbecoming.” He took the demotion & farted contentedly into his chair all day.
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3the litter box was cleaned and cat food was doled out generously. Snookums, pissed that Muffy had gotten him incarcerated at the shelter, used his connections on the outside to
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5The chef sought her out (Inga was both cheap AND full-bodied). They met at her house. The chef suggested dinner. “Are we going out?” Inga asked. “No, I’ll just eat you right here!"
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5eyeing Dork #1. “Whatsa matter? Either cover the broad in that ectoplasm or punch out right now!” “OK,” replied Dork #1, throwing a haymaker at Unchaste’s jaw, flattening him.
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6of tiny devils and fire spewing from her vagina. This was no ordinary exorcism. I thought it might be time to take off my priest collar and look for other work. Suddenly the bed
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5Soon, reruns of Dawson’s Creek wouldn’t satisfy his Katie Holmes obsession. He watched “Miss Meadows” repeatedly, lotion bottle at hand. Hearing “Toodle-Oo!” was all he needed.
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4d front!” The farm boy proved himself not so educated, telling the Mexican that W. wanted “the curry.” The Mexican found a can of curry powder and proudly handed it to W. “What the
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7went in the field to pick onions. She yanked hard at one & out it came from the soil. On the bulb was the face of one of her spoiled children! “F-U, mom!” it said. Marta fainted.
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4The host had finished his presentation to the new servers about tipping. A hand went up. “Yes?” The server who raised his hand spoke timidly. “Just one question, sir…What’s a tip?"
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4In fact, my rocker is here in the room with me, and I’m off it right now. My 3-floor house also has an elevator, but my elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. But to call me
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3Rather than respond to the caller, Larry Devine said, “We’ll be back after these messages.” During the break, the producer entered the studio. “Larry, why’d you go to commercial?”
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1exactly doing well in the creativity department, what with Morrison and Manzarek both dead. Surviving members Krieger and Densmore now called the act the “Closed Doors” and tried