Finished Folds (581—600)
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2from his nose. Another kiss, and a tulip sprouted. Ecstasy! I was about kiss again when asparagus sprouted from his nether regions—an extremely HARD asparagus. I left abruptly.
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5. The party gained a following equally popular to both the Nazis before WWII and “I Love Lucy” reruns. The map was not just red and blue states anymore. There were brown states.
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5barrier and started humping everything in sight. Maria’s innocence was in jeopardy, until a brave soul tackled the humper, tied up his arms and legs, and shoved him in the bathtub.
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4ly hope he didn’t get an STD. Nobody moved for 3 minutes until the Alien King was told again to “piss off.” At that, he unholstered his ray gun and blew them all to smithereens.
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4f the landlord when he learned he’d have to call both an exterminator and a carpet cleaner. Tina chose not to deal with his wrath and decided to move out and not renew her lease.
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5Many squirrels, raccoons, and sticks that had also ignored the signs were stuck. Ever the promoter, he posted a sign, “La Brea Tar Pits East,” and made a mint charging admission.
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7thrown out his car, but he turned into a chocolate-cereal bat and terrorized the fans. His vile deed done, Cap’n Crunch zoomed from the start line leaving Frankenberry in the dust.
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6The priest, spooked by the squid, ran for the confessional, taking an altar boy as protection. The squid sighed, mounted the altar, and lifted a wafer. “BodyofChrist?” it gurgled.
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4sic among tribute groups, particularly ones impersonating the Mamas & Papas or Sonny & Cher, for some odd reason. I was encouraged by them to write more poetry, but my writing days
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4got dysentery. Lou hated being ill with a disease he could neither spell nor pronounce, so he vowed to hunt down Mario. Problem was, Lou couldn’t be 5 minutes away from a toilet.
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3But the cats DIDN’T know he had another catlike quality: a sandpaper tongue. This wasn’t a hit with the ladies (French kissing was out), but he was great at exfoliating their skin.
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5When men DIDN’T ask for sex, the nuns became sharks, circling them, kicking shins, and shouting, “What’s wrong? Not GOOD enough for you?” We’d then speed off in the station wagons.
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5amed up and built. The park’s thrill rides were really thrilling: safety belts and harnesses would open deliberately and unexpectedly. Remarkably, the park had few repeat visitors.
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6failed climbers of K2, who used single-strand horse-yarn safety lines. The lines snapped under the least strain, making a sound heard on K2 for miles: “YEEEEEOOOOOOOOoooooo! THUD!"
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4when the cops battered down the door. Dylan thought: The drug charges! But the cops weren’t arresting him. One extended a pen and Dylan album. “Big fan! May I have your autograph?"
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2the subject’s face. “Thees weel make you talk!” he said in his movie-Nazi voice. The subject looked up. “What are the shears for?” Hildegaard was taken aback. “Shit, I don’t know!"
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4But there were no additional apologies once Tom opened Pranks R Us, a retail store stocked to the gills with whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, and dribble glasses. Tom had made good.
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3treat night. I thought my bunny roadkill outfit would win, but not so. A guy wrapped in a plastic tube with his bald head sticking out won. He said he was a roll-on deodorant.
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4with the village idiot. She discovered this wasn’t so bad after all. The village idiot may have been an idiot, but he was extremely well endowed. IQ may not matter…but size does!
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4act, and the toilet was one of those mother-of-pearl gadgets that would make anyone feel honored to sit on it. The show was a big hit, but the scenes inside the toilet were shitty.