Finished Folds (321—340)
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5decided not to miss out & drove to my local Kmart…closed. I knew Kmart was closing stores, but not MY local Kmart! C’mon! I drove to another one I knew 20 miles away…also closed.
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2stirred at the commotion and advanced on the bag with legs. 2 privates pulled the bag away to reveal its contents. Amid the turnips, the entire camp was shocked to see…Jimmy Hoffa!
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7They asked Pastor Mike what was so wrong with the Satan boys. He thought hard but couldn’t think of anything but their supreme evilness. So they invited them to the birthday party.
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6ferris wheel and a slew of bumper cars. “Ha! Those rides weren’t any good anyway!” said Bo with scorn. That REALLY angered the sea. This time she became a 100-ft wave and took aim
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2be able to converse using a common language. The question remained: What in hell would chimps and humans say to each other that was so damn important? After all, the chimps thought
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3flinch. What Bert WASN’T used to was Tuco’s poor manners. Bert wrestled the knife away & held it against Tuco’s throat. “I buy you a beer and you don’t say THANK YOU??” Before Bert
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2Nobel Chemistry Prize when they proved puppets fart. However, Fran ratted Kukla & Ollie out to the Nobel committee, saying Burr Tillstrom made the fart noises with his mouth. This
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2As twins growing up, Jonah and Beelzebub were inseparable. Then Jonah joined the navy, and Beelzebub started taking devil lessons to become a professional demon. Jonah didn’t like
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4ndetected for years. There was something about WWII that made some nations want to continue it. In Sept. ‘45 a huge section of Greenland was roped off for the purpose. Thousands of
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3gs come to those who wait.” The Blue Fairy replied, “Gepetto is full of shit. You don’t have to wait.” She let her dress drop to the floor. Pinocchio’s nose grew without him lying.
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4have to accept him as a purple penguin, so she bought him a pail of minnows. Her son turned his beak up at them, puzzling her. “What’s wrong, son?” “Mom, they’re FATHEAD minnows!"
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2offered sexual favors to men waiting in line to vote, hoping to influence the election. A poll worker saw and accosted the black cat. “No electioneering!” The witches then turned
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4am an ottoman,” said Tyrion, “and now I’m off to find a whore!” “Hold on,” said a local, “no ottoman I know frequents whores! You’re Tyrion Lannister!” Tyrion had just enough time
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3installed last week & you claim to be a dollar-store cashier,” said the cop. “How did you afford a gold toilet?” “Saving,” replied Jameson. The cop wasn’t buying it. “You’re under
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3locals at the general store. Instead, Morty Fishburger took his 3 Card Monte swindle to a local nursing home & fleeced the staff out of all the adult diapers. When the supervisor
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2into thinking we aren’t equal. However, folks who believe THAT ignore basic chemistry: 1 carbon atom and 2 of hydrogen combine to make methane, or fart gas. Equal THAT! I had to ad
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4Toucan Sam to shield him, it might have been disaster. The buckshot from the gun ricocheted off Nora’s sequins, with some of it flying back at Cyril, wounding him. “Now’s our chanc
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3Ship Ahoy!” The Captain, highly inebriated & disturbed while having sex with the native girl, thought I was announcing cookies. “Chips Ahoy? My favorite! Bring ‘em here!” “No, Cap
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4The cook (i.e., NAZI cook) whipped up really tasty recipes, including Beef Goering and Chicken a la Goebbels. For some reason, though, people steered clear of his Himmler Lasagna.
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6He ended with remarks about managerial gullibility: “It’s like the old adage: ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…well, maybe I shouldn’t be in management after all.’"