Finished Folds (441—460)
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3I didn’t know the Irish had a secret weapon that intercepted the Potato of Death mid-flight and julienned it. French-fry fallout rained down for days, which we ate as a side dish.
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3, and the late Fred Astaire laughed so hard coffee flew from his nose. Arthur Murray’s ghost stopped laughing, sensing opportunity. He offered the clumsy cosmos 4 weeks of lessons
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4Asteroid bits and exploded parts of the lovers floated in space. Without minds to guide them, the lovers’ private parts mated and copulated in space for way more than 7 minutes.
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2The fart noise is suppressed, but not the odor. The zero-gravity toilet can’t do that. So when asked “Who farted?” and you are to blame, just say “He who first smelt it, dealt it."
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4aquarium, the crowd cheering. Loud Man was not as happy. The whale lifted and dangled him by a leg. The Critter swam near. Extending Loud Man, the whale shouted one word: “LUNCH!"
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6their own urine, more proof of their laziness. “This is sad,” one said, “the toilet is only 5 feet away!” “Aww, piss on you!” said another. “I AM pissing on me!” They all laughed.
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3d the Supreme Court. Alas, none were in session when they arrived, leaving them with a strong desire to Clobber but no one to Clobber. So they turned on Bob and Clobbered him.
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3They’d gone a mile when a jutting rock caught a moonwalking heel and sent them tumbling in a heap. Concern reigned as they all sang at once, “Annie are you OK, are you OK Annie?"
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3“Carpet, fly me to South Paw,” which was a bar in Pittsburgh. The carpet misunderstood, thinking she had said fly her to “South Pole.” She ended up in Antarctica, frozen stiff.
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4He was a blockhead. Charlie longed for his full-sight days at Woodstock, where a Snoopy middle-aged woman seduced his young body, taking his virginity. Times then were Lucy-goosey.
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4They exited the hang glider and strutted toward me. “What’s that behind your back?” one of them demanded. “Well, it’s not a table!” I lied, and I realized I’d just F’d up royally.
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4gimps wanting a swimming place not deep enough to drown them if they lost balance and fell in. The able-bodied who visited cursed as they constantly stepped into cane holes.
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5to relax and get our heads right so we could pursue the 7 Thieves’ lifestyle. So, how about murder, Mr. or Ms. Final Folder? How much meditation will we need to accomplish that?
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7as Santa got pissed when milk and cookies didn’t show up. Tired of waiting for the snack, he put on sunglasses and headed for the chimney. “Screw Christmas. I’m going to Bermuda!”
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3for fear the snakes in her wig would chase me from the store and bite me in the legs and ass until I died. I wanted to hire St. Patrick to banish the snakes, but he was too pricey.
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4a half-hour. I made your favorite: Relativity Soufflé.” He knew the recipe: E=mc2 (Eggs = milk X cheese2). But Einstein felt sorrow knowing his theory was challenged by an artwork.
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3Strangely, the fedora that called my name from the milliner’s window didn’t utter a peep when I got it home, despite asking it repeatedly “What’s my name?” I was going to return it
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3gave me a wedgie that lifted me 2 feet off the ground. When I landed I turned to face the perpetrator, forgetting all about Bill and the squatting horse. Boy, was I shocked when
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4Horny and ornery, IN THAT ORDER, conversely, were a great pair. First, get him to bed (the horny part), then buck like a wild stallion (the ornery part) and make him work for it.
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3that simple. Not knowing to avoid model trains too, she was walking by a toyshop when a Lionel locomotive derailed, crashed through the window, and chased her until she fell dead.