Finished Folds (481—500)
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5oil?” The congregation nodded in agreement but all started thinking about lunch—specifically fried chicken. One by one they left the church and flooded the local KFC. The minister
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4hull. “Mmmm, Frigidaire, my favorite,” croaked the toadfish as it chomped happily. Seizing the moment of the toadfish’s distraction, the captain flung a harpoon…and missed. The toa
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4“Holy Origami!” exclaimed Diaper Boy, whipping his head around to see all the paper objects flying. His only hope to neutralize them was to start folding: paper rockets, paper jets
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4(as were nosy people), so they opted to live near the graveyard and collect body parts there, choosing discretion over freshness. “Today we’ll collect heads, forearms, and testes,"
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3That “Songs of the Governors” thing sounded like a skit on “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” I peeked under my sofa for Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, and Wayne Brady. Only Ryan was there.
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2near a fire hydrant. Lawmakers thought a dog might mistake the mortar shell for the hydrant, pee on it, and cause the shell to go off. The cop ticketed the shell, which exploded as
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2his revolver into his belt. “Ready for this, Doc?” asked Wyatt. “Yes,” said Doc. The Nazis goose-stepped into OK Corral. “Put up your hands!” The Nazis did the straight-arm salute.
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2colate mousse. I knew it shouldn’t have been put in the freezer in the first place. Chefs gathered round the open freezer door and gasped at the ruined chocolate mousse. “Who is re
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7The Redcoats were well-provisioned but lacked training. Before one attack, their officer ordered “Fix Bayonets!” A soldier replied, “Sir, I don’t think the bayonets are broken."
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39, #9, #9. The constant repetition isn’t making everyone leave, and it’s annoying me. So I put the turntable in reverse: “Turn me on, dead man. Turn me on, dead man.” Shrieking,
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2crazed Yoko Ono walked onstage looking for John (whom she’d forgotten had died years ago), the stage manager opened the trapdoor under her feet. He’d had it installed just for her.
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3ockwurst samples were being offered just a couple aisles over, so his demonstration of how to make pate de fois gras using just canned ingredients was not well attended. Disgusted,
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4Brothers were back, competing against the reboot of “Pink Lady and Jeff.” The reboot became a more dismal failure than before; no one wanted to see Mie and Kei in bikinis anymore.
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2with Fauxala Koala turning her black nose up to their outstretched bloody stumps. “Do you really think I want to spend my time being your hands?!?” They said “Bitch!” in unison and
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4up to see the postman coming up the walk toward her. “Great, probably more bad news.” He approached her, arms outstretched. “I’ve worshiped you from afar,” he said. They embraced.
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3“Take the marbles out of your mouths!” I screamed at them. “We’re fake plastic trees. We don’t have marbles in our mouths.” “Then, speak CLEARLY!” I shouted, annoyed. The trees
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4orning, showing you how screwy department stores in Laredo can be. As I wiped sweat from my brow, I stood in the line marked “Returns.” The baby elephant I was returning stood
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2would be only a toothpick to the huge, toothy mouth. The tidal wave spoke. “Lavoris!” They stood dumbly. “Fetch LAVORIS!” it said again, or I’ll kill you with monstrous halitosis!"
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7Lobsterman thought a moment, scratching his head with a claw. “No, I guess I don’t dislike you THAT much,” he said. “Actually, I dislike you MORE than that!” He lunged at Godzy,
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3ard the ship couldn’t wait to land on Pitcairn to inhabit the trees and drop onto unsuspecting islanders for a quick meal. With a population of 50, though, Pitcairn as a food sourc