Finished Folds (501—520)
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2would discipline the cat, which had an unusually long tail. I locked the cat in a room in my house, which I filled wall to wall with a bunch of motorized rocking chairs. Mee-OWWWW!
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3I was a superhero with powers and should make a costume. The only materials I had were felt scraps and plastic wrap. That made a shitty costume, but I would soon be insane anyway.
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5Yellow outfits were very fashionable back then, and Madame Dujardin was wearing one when she approached the gorilla. Thinking she was a huge banana, the gorilla peeled her and ate
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3The jokes told in those clubs could’ve been improved, though. They were all about the flies, like “Heard the one about the flies taking over the city?” They had heard, so the jokes
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3practice. I tell captains to wrap a corpse that dies on the ship in canvas, tie a rope to it, throw it overboard, and drag it alongside. The cool seawater preserves the body until
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5the 40 Thieves!” Dr. Brainstem didn’t miss a beat. “No, Tim, all this means is you can pilot a flying carpet. There’s no evidence you actually visited Aladdin and Ali Baba.” Tim
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1“Funny color for a window,” I thought, “yellow...” I soon knew why. The yellow streaks cleared, and a dog on the other side of the pane lowered its leg, now done relieving itself.
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2coins to the parking meters, mistaking them for slot machines (an honest error, since both paid out with the same rarity). Tiring of gambling with no spinners, bells, or lights, th
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3food, wine, and porn was. So we befriended the Queens, who were down to earth without living in a hole like the Aces. They liked fast food, rotgut wines, and plain old stag films.
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5Without the coupon, Scarface would have to PAY for the nachos, something he was not eager to do. STEALING the nachos would be much more gratifying. With his piece in his pocket, Sc
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4. This was even stranger because the coke he wanted her to snort from his foot was Coca-Cola, not cocaine. She figured he’d run out of drug money, but she drank Pepsi anyway and
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6sniffing Aqua Velva fumes. Or was it the other way around? Was sniffing her pizza fumes almost as good as sex with Aqua Velva? Macy decided the difference was subtle, and he vowed
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3Pages the library cat paid no attention to the wireless mouse that came with her PC, since she didn’t know it was called “mouse.” To her it was “thingy.” But then someone slipped
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4anymore, as evidenced by the sign Synchro Sally #98 saw right in front of her eyes that read, “THIS ISN'T EARTH ANYMORE.” No longer in denial, Sally piloted the craft toward Io’s
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5clogged the ink tube. The pen whistled for its pet pencil, which rolled in. “Write ‘Marbury did it’ on the pad!” The pencil pressed hard, breaking its point. Sand enveloped them.
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2flash, Big Jim the cat leaped toward Murph the mouse. But Murph was ready, cartoon-style, swinging a huge frying pan he had pulled from a tiny pocket. The pan hit Big Jim smack dab
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4No pooping in a corner of the office, no punching myself in the nose. That shrink was looking for ANY behavior he could cite as an excuse to put me in the loony bin. That’s when I
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4The club owner accosted the peanuts’ manager. “Look, the audience is pissed. I’m gonna scratch your nuts.” Excited, the manager dropped trou. “No, I’m scratching the ACT, moron!”
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7a way to repel them. I conjured up 5 Little Onions, which I introduced to the 5 Little Peppers. While they got acquainted, I chopped them up and fried them with steak. Delicious!
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7grabbed the sports section of the newspaper. “I’ll be in the head, THEN we attack,” Captain Saturn announced as he left. With advantage and momentum lost, his crew gazed in shock