Finished Folds (2921—2940)
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2-sick relatives who had to throw him down the basement stairs every time the police showed up, which was frequently, because seahorses don't know how to stay out of trouble. But he
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1e sulks. Another awkward silence. The elk picks up a little paddle that is lying on the table and says, "Ping Pong?" The princess replies, "I thought you'd never ask!" So the two
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1egos live. All you have to do is insult one of them and he will do anything to prove you wrong. So you go up to one and say "Bet you can't punt, runt," and he will become the best
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4he was to be found. Oh Sam, Sam, all I lived for was to relieve you of your surplus digits. Did I miss something? Did Sam want to let his freak toe flag fly? Was I not seeing his
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2It sounded like madness, like freedom, like birth and death intertwined. Actually, it sounded like luggage wheels on bumpy pavement, but the deaf poets made it seem like music.
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2"I can't work like this," she huffed, "This choreography is too clumsy. It's like the steps were designed for someone in full armor!" "Oh, stop being a prima dona," said the knight
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6Within a month I started getting overdue notices for all the books I had taken. "But I thought they were free!" I complained. "Yes, but you have to return them," said the librarian
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4served the pineapple to the rats in the alley, who served them to their fleas, who served them to some bacteria, who ate them up happily, but alas, died in the heat of the sun.
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6to everyone on Earth, but up in Heaven it caused an uproar when the heavenly hosts saw it and thought that the four horsemen of the apocalypse had been let out prematurely. Oops!
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3My Aphakia Blepharitis fashion line was a big hit in Hollywood, where everyone's vision is totally messed up from the smog and drugs. Color clashes that could stop a truck were
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5Satan looked at his other shoulder, hoping to find an angel, but she had fallen off. The devil on Satan's shoulder sneered "How about a nice nap, old man?" Satan imagined his bed,
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4old man seen Dr. No and Goldfinger look so miniscule. "Get off my lawn," he said, "and take your puny missiles with you!" The miniaturized Bond villains, afraid of being stomped,
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10First I jumped for Joy, and then I fell for her... fell hard. Joy again extended her hand to me and I gratefully pulled myself back up. Joy, to the world, was just another student
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6around her perfectly coifed hair and designer outfit until she was nothing but an Oprah-shaped mass of Spiderman silk. "You'll hear from my sponsors!" Oprah yelled from inside the
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3how much like little commas they looked and how much they wanted those little fur commas to punctuate their lives. Bernice gently picked up the basket of black kittens and brought
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3cool when a giant dung beetle follows you everywhere is beyond me. I tried colognes and deodorants, but these had no effect on the beetle. Finally, I realized that it was my brown
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11"Save, us, Insecurity Woman," someone in the audience called out, "You're our only hope!" "Oh, I'm sure someone else could do it better," she replied, chewing anxiously on her nail
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7I'm pregnant with his tadpoles. No, he will leave me for sure, but I will raise them. I will raise them up right and they will grow to be decent frogmen, unlike their father. They
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9"Oh Harry, it's just my jelly doughnut. I put it up there so you wouldn't find it and eat it first." said Helen. But before she could get the ladder, Harry had copped the doughnut
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2because of his bad back. One of the revelers saw him crying on the curb and swept him up and onto a float. "Quack!" he said, and everyone answered. He had never felt so accepted.