Finished Folds (3121—3140)
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7"Harry, close your quotation marks," said Mrs. McGurk, "I can't tell if you're talking or telling the gol-durned story." "Mildred, you've gotten on my last nerve," he quavered, his
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21protected against anything sharp that might threaten to pop their latex hides. The whole balloon animal zoo was completely rounded. Visitors were thoroughly searched for pointed
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4were so freaked out that they wet their Bermuda shorts and threw their cell phones into the air as they ran for the nearest airport. The phones clattered to the ground minutes late
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3shop to drown my sorrows in some steaming hot, black java. I sat with my collar up and my back against the wall, ready to run out the back way in case any of those weird masseuses
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6faraway stations, splinters of songs that stuck in Pinocchio's ears. He imagined them to be ominous as the woodcutter drove him further out into the black night. "What a sap,"
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2"Yes," he said, "There are a bunch of gremlins in the elevator. Any way we can trap them between floors?" The receptionist nodded wearily and pushed a secret button under the desk.
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6I climbed back into my hot tub time machine and went back a little further so I'd have time to study in the library for the test. Unfortunately I forgot to put on my pants when I
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4Ipanema. Tall and tan and young and lovely, except for the fact that she had three glowing eyes. As she passed, all the men there said "Aughhh!" No more cold baths for me. I had to
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2heard him say, "I am a sorcerer and you have pissed me off- therefore I curse you to be only able to utter lies from now on!" Then I woke up at home, unable to stop lying to
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6"This is an outrage!" shouted Kilroy as he dragged his cinderblock legs down the aisle, "I am here, and I can accept the Nobel prize myself, Eastwood, you ham!" Clint squinted at
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3Aircraft carrier! Rubber raft! Vespa! Sputnik! UFO! Tricycle! Grandma's strange uttering scared the neighbors, but she was really calling her cats. The snow was coming and they
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8squared my shoulders for the long spiral into the chaos of madness. "You're the one," Janice called out to me, tossing down a long fractal into the void. I grabbed it firmly by the
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4and shouted "I'll do it!" and he changed his name to Bob that very day. Once he became Bob, everything got better for him. He bet his money on a bob-tailed nag, and won. His hair
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3Certainly not for the minimum wage. Then I heard him mutter "Out, out- damned spot!" over and over and I realized that he was the man who had killed Ronald McDonald on this very
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3It was not her suitcase and it was not her clothes that she piled into it. She handed it to him. "Now take your sombreros and leave." He was so shocked that the little paper umbre
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3And lo, Bieber the demigod appeared before me. His eyes were sad and his little crest hairdo was no longer erect. "I am a dying demigod," spaketh he, "and my Malibu house is
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2everyone in Leesburg, VA was secretly a tentacle-tongue alien, like themselves. Although this sounded fantastic, we had to admit that we'd never seen the tongues of anyone there.
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3"How should I know who the boss is, Arlo?" said Annette, "I have only seen glass ceilings before, not glass pavement!" "Well, poop!" huffed Arlo, letting her go. "No free weekend
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3But I had hurt Wanda the earworm's feelings so badly that she wouldn't hear me and wouldn't let me hear her beautiful (if repetitious) song again. She was gone. I'd blown it.
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5Both of her legs were broken. When I looked again, I saw that those weren't thumbs that she was holding up.