Finished Folds (481—500)
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4no little Dutch Boy to plug the dyke!" "How dare you call me a dyke, you little fairy!" I yelled at it, not realizing how very un-PC I sounded. The tampon fairy shrugged and flew
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3He died broke and alone, but more emotionally well than he had been in ages.
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3-side the Motown recording studio. Naturally, Ronnie's eye gouged eye teared up and ruined her mascara, but her good eye could see the cruel monk lick the paprika from his fingers
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4West called him that night. "You're not the Uncle Ben that was just killed, were you?" Mae asked him. "Gosh, I hope not," he answered, "but it is getting kinda freaky, with all the
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6handwriting is difficult to read, so I'll just type it out. Kay?" And with a puff of smoke, Kay Ballard appeared with a keyboard/monitor. And on the screen, these words appeared:
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4But this time God and Jesus were too busy with pandemics and stuff to return her call. "Guess I'll just have to make something up," she thought. "My prophecy for this week is that
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5pocket, the ice cream cone I had been saving for desert had melted and left an embarrassing stain on my lederhosen. "Gott im Himmel," I whispered to whatever deity was listening,
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4a sigh of resignation and removed his salty lips from those of The Man Who Folded the World. "It's just that I get so lonely," Det. Manatee told him, "since we began to go extinct
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3Eat beets for breakfast! Make goggles out of old CDs! Change your name to Murphy and rub hot-sauce on your pants! Stand on your roof and howl like a werewolf in heat! Name your
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1So to distract attention from my Squid-infused McRibs recipe, I tweeted out a "leak" about my Rib-Infused McSquid recipe. It caught on like McNuggets on fire in the fryer! The pres
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12n't really nasty, she just left me because I was so grumpy about Nasty Wives #1 and 2. Wife #3 was kind and understanding, but smelled a bit off since I never paid the water bills.
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5"Platypi are free!" the pregnant platipus protested, "We don't need a piece of paper to be devoted parents!" "Shut your bill, Billie Jean!" yelled her religious fanatic mother,
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3The CEO added, "Denny's assumes no responsibility for the extinction of unicorns, in spite of having all our menus printed with their blood." But Greenpeace did not accept this
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4"Yep, you certainly tell when the cows are hot," said Ferdinand the bull as he limped back to his barn, "but I think I've had enough for one day." Little did he know that Elsie was
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3It must've been worse than being trapped in a Wal-Mart between October 15th and December 25th. Thank goodness those days are over. The next day, the hungover cats crawled down to
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1Bursting through the poor sap's sternum, the two-legged toadfish greeted the world with a screeching rendition of "Love Child" before sprinting for the nearest 7-11, where it
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5Broadway show, but really he was in a lineup at the police station. "I saw the movie with Julie Andrews as Mary when it first came out," he gushed obliviously to the suspect beside
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3was worth it, for where they once stood, a fantastic feline now sat, washing its unmentionables. It purred as it pondered the many ways it might end this pathetic fool's life.
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2"Fat lot you know," answered the bee rather severely, and promptly stung the expert on his muffin top area. "Humans think they know everything," the bee ranted on as it died, "but
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2-ewitched by Samantha Stevens, a fictional TV character, yet most people won't touch it with a ten foot replica of Johnny Cash himself 'cos they think its cursed. Goobers. But I