Finished Folds (861—880)
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3is a way to connect two unicycles together and ride them without it becoming a ho-hum bicycle? By gum, he was going to find out. So he sauntered into the unicycle store and bought
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1"Here we have the winner!" shouted the judge as he lifted Waak'aupuumaakaa's fist up over his head. Clearly, the ass of Ted the Thunder God had beat the mule entries. A golden
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1Sister warmed the mint sauce and massaged it into Mary's Little Lamb before skewering him and setting him just high enough over the fire so as not to singe his wool. She knew that
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1only if the bathroom attendants shared their tips, which were quite generous given all the tea that the Colonel and Mr. Grey had consumed at their meetings. But the attendants did
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3"But I do have a choice," said Matt, "...regular turtle soup of extra chunky turtle chowder?" The turtle's eyes widened in horror. "You wouldn't dare!" it said. But Matt was all
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3It wasn't method acting! I killed her myself!" It was then that Detective Manatee wallumped out from behind the news stand. "Aha!" he trumpeted, "So Camilla, you admit to murdering
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3Now, Spoilerella the happy hermaphrodite became known far and wide as a sooth sayer. S/he took up residence in a church ruin and gave visitations to tourists. One fateful day, a
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5"Oh yes," said Bruce the Bull, "I'll be Charlie the Chocolate Factory, and I'll create the biggest pie you ever saw, then we'll invite them over to look at it!" The cows giggled
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2eerily, and then POP! The lid of the leather jack-in-the-box flies open and out shoot seventeen harpies. Their claws tear at my hair and clothes. And then a hideous clown rises
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2When I finally got my riding vacuum, I rode it proudly and slowly down my street as the neighbors shriveled with envy behind their Venetian blinds. My dream had come true, yet some
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4-ious exploits one more time before his head was removed and the rest of him ran around the barnyard spelling out "Viva la revolución" in his own blood. Pedro said that he tasted
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1something our poodle Tiiffany had left on the front lawn once, after eating a dead opossum. So we politely declined the village dinner and went instead to McRancid's where we got
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2So Tucker went home with his mouth all a-foam and got on his Facebook Page, but his rant was so raw, as we all soon saw, that he blew himself up in a rage. Thank you, and goodnight
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2switchblade-shaped cookies, some of which had actual switchblades inside, which Minnie would often send to relatives in prison. Minnie told Clara she would send the smugglers a
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3and swings his hips as the chainsaw slashes the nude pedophile zombie grandpa into a sort of nasty grey bacon that even a starving dog wouldn't eat. Ash stood over the carnage and
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8boy in rags, playing the flute. As the boy played, the sheep would jump over the stile and everyone would fall asleep before they noticed that I was loading the sheep onto a train.
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4A tremendous electrical current came through the phone, tasing my brain. It was the damned computers! They didn't want me to talk to her, to marry her, to be happy. They were
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6a pair of baby blue plastic kindergarten scissors, which were horrendously inefficient. With every cut, the alien squinched until at last it lay silent. "Professor Slash?" asked a
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3His only escape was to crumple himself into the piece of paper on which he was created, and then to throw himself out the window of my 12th story apartment. Agape, I watched as he
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7differentiate between his red house, red car, the little red hen, or a pool of blood, especially since he had had the sinus surgery and couldn't smell a thing. So he starved