Finished Folds (1201—1220)
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6the fact that she had the word "Godmother" tattooed across my behind when she was supposed to be babysitting me. For this I might have hated her, but because she had been so
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3fried chicken legs any day of the week, plus horse legs come in much larger portions. A bucket, you say? Ha! Try a barrel of horse legs! It's a much better value for your family
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5known as Pooh, but lived under the name of Saunders to throw off the naysayers. Being a stuffed bear, he had trouble understanding the outrage over Trigger having been stuffed. Roy
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1On a necklace. By me. Yes, I had pulled all of Shark Lady's teeth as she slept, and fashioned them into a fine piece of Cowabunga jewelry. The other surfers cast their jealous eyes
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3"Beware of the Easter-island-headed one who find Comedy not to be Pretty!" the Ashkenazi told a group of startled onlookers, "for he is the demon's handmaiden!" I was glad that I
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4marzipan graced the front of the cake, and the tiny bride on top lay face-down in a pool of her own strawberry glaze. "What does this mean, Barry?" my clueless fiancee asked me.
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4-ly defacing the world of his former captors. "Serves 'em right," Bruno shrieked as he spewed parakeet poop on the tulips. So great was his glee that he didn't notice that there
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2all my money in one-dollar increments, and hope that he could figure out how to push his way out through the money slot. His hat came through okay, but his head got stuck in the
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5Would the wolf ever learn? Even if he was able to steal Excalibur, how would he wield it? With his teeth? He would never be able to grip it properly. No-one would call him King,
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2man's best friend and his worst enemy at the same time?" Cerberus grinned unnervingly as he growled, and even Cujo was beginning to lower his ears. "What has man ever done for us?"
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2had severely underestimated. When the deadline came and went, his boss fired him. Despondent, he wandered the streets of Newark, looking for a hand-out and a warm box to call home.
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2Realizing his true potential, I rushed him out and opened a chain of laundromats in SoCal, under the name of Lint-Free-Mats. He was happy to clean the lint-traps with his tongue,
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2he at me. His eyes were warm brown, like warm and brown things, and I knew at that moment that I wanted to be the one to stir his lentil soup from now until the cows came home.
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3that they would develop diabetes and have to buy insulin for the rest of their days. It was an ugly plot, to be sure. That is why I choose to be bitter instead of sweet. It won't
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1he actually asking for a bed-pan in Swahili, a language that was foreign to him? Luckily, the GP was a native Swahilian, and the sheets stayed relatively dry. The nurse seemed to
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5No one was entirely certain, since the bishop-generals wore both crucifixes and pentagrams around their leathery necks. I guess they were hedging their bets. When Armegeddon
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2-mple, would probably bring in several thou if you were to put it on eBay." His eyes widened to match his grin. "I've got crap like that all over my house!" he exclaimed, clapping
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4punching the scout master in the nether regions. Marv claimed that it had been a mistake, that the taffy pull had been a bit too much, but the other Webelos knew it wasn't.
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2-ht have kept the toilet that was my life firmly fastened to the cold tile floor of history. It blew my mind sky high and left me floating in the sea of Limbo. Was it my fault that
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6play air guitar just one more time before I left this eon. Oh well. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead into the winds of time. I could feel the emptiness of space against my