Finished Folds (1261—1280)
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5-ty no longer allows Lemming-on-a-stick in any government building, ever since someone tried to 'stick it to the man' and forgot to remove the lemming. Senator Borf suffered bites
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8it was ancient even before Polonius got there. "Man, this is the most run-down dump I've ever raced dogs in," said the Emperor as he ordered another amphora of wine for his cronies
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4But could I heal myself? Or would my album of repaired people remain free of my photograph? I looked again at the picture of the woman who broke my heart, and knew at once that
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4, she said, as she pushed him through the bay window that looked out over the bay. She watched, expressionless as he plunged into the cold water below. Then she turned, and went
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3refer to it as the Zombie Zamboni, and take it out on clear, icy days, when the zombies are well-fed on better brains than my own. I wave at them as I slowly roll by. Bloated, they
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5"Can you send out a tow?" he asked the grease monkey on the line, "My truck Mabel is stuck in the mud just outside Jersey on Farnal Blvd." "We don't go out that far," said Ned, the
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4with such feeling, was of no surprise to art critic Rick Rogers. "The torso paints directly with its heart," he explained, "the head has to use its lips, which though sensitive can
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4To her surprise, she saw that she was next in line to receive a 50 cents off coupon on her next roll of TUMS. This was the proud day she had been waiting for all her life. She put
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6(It was not a very polite finger.) "Screw you and the tiny UFO's you rode in on!" he shouted, startling a waiter into spilling soup onto a customer. Suddenly they heard a terrible
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5going to prevent him from returning to his spaceship. Thinking quickly, he pushed the rocket retrieval button on his wrist and lo, the machine came putting toward him. He
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7And by that I mean that I wasn't sweating, but was panting like a big ol' hairy dog. A veritable river of saliva flowed from my tongue, and from it salmon leapt skyward. I imagined
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11behind a haystack to relieve myself and rued the day that I had taught the cows how to use the bathroom. Sure, there was less cleanup in the field, but the toilet fixture couldn't
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4a lost one. I knew this. But nothing could stop me from going into the Burger Duke for a Whomper with cheese, even if I had to duke it out with some old lady who tried to cut in
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5up his marriage vows and threw them to the bottom of the Empire State Building, where they nearly crushed a passing cab. I didn't have to tell him. He knew she was gone. I could
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3by a strange sculpture that had once been a plaster dolphin advertising kiddy pools, but years of weather and decay had made it look more like an airplane crash. I wondered whether
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4out a small pearl-handled pistol from his morning coat and shot the teacup poodle that had been sleeping in her arms. Her decolletage was now spattered with blood, and the effect
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8Nothing but ell-meaning church-goers who think that their myriad of sins had been forgiven!" The devil kicked at the dust with his cloven hooves. "And they keep singing those awful
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8We threw the mistakenly charred corpse into the furnace and immediately regretted it as a dreadful smell rose up from the ship's smoke stacks. Cap'n Mark explained it away as a
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4their hair. So he opened Xiquiripap's Salon on the edge of the veldt, and soon the sorry beasts came from everywhere, hoping to become, if not beautiful, then at least stylish.
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3No, strike that. It was just bad coffee brewing, the kind of mud that was always in the newsroom. They hated it, but they drank it to stay awake, and their heartburn heated their