Finished Folds (1361—1380)
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1No. Maizy's cancer was out front, beeping its horn impatiently, waking the neighbors. "It's three forty-eight in the freaking morning!" shouted Big Phil, who never slept anyway.
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9where the nice kids are not allowed to go, an old prostitute named Melita has just died in her shabby apartment. Her lifeless eyes stare out at the lonely street. She was once
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2towered above us all, her camouflage habit blowing in the winds of war. She lifted her mighty ruler and smacked the mountains of Tibet until they were mere foothills. Then she
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2Be not afraid, for lo, I will turn this bag of potato chips into a whole snack aisle full of them!" And with a wave of His arm, Potato Chip Jesus turned my apartment into a 7-11.
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3on the neck while I run out for some sandwiches?" I suggested as I ran out the door. "DADDY!!!" I head both of them scream in unison as I hailed a cab to the airport. En route to
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6dance, I'm pretty good at the Rhumba." "But..." he stammered back at me, "I don't..." but it was too late. Green velvet drapes opened on a stage to our right, where an entire band
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5was lead to the CEO's office, where they had already painted his name on the door. They stripped him of his Burger King uniform and dressed him in an Armani suit. Then they left
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2A man in Quaker garb and a cape took offense. "Twas not I who doth offend thee!" he said, spewing oatmeal all over my shoes, "Twas that parrot!" Meanwhile, Squawkers had headed
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6-e world. The next day, headlines read "Jimmy Peacock Moons World as Protest of Mistreatment". Phony GoFundMe campaigns sprung up like dandelions in order to reap profit from
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5He wiped his nose and watched in horror as she ate it right in front of him- that piece of bread that had been in her pocket all day without even a baggie around it or anything.
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2"Ei-yi-yi...," she exclaimed as the spelling police lead her to the gallows, "This certainly puts a damper on the party." But the others argued that it had only made things better
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1"I know," said Mr. Peanut somberly as his monocle steamed up with tears, "that was my only child. Please remove him from your pizza and let me cremate him, as is our custom."
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2-proaching nuclear device. He pedaled his space-a-macycle as fast as he could toward Neptune, but the bomb was tracking him, like the yes of a deftly painted portrait. His only
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3-ictionary and tried to explain sentence structure to her as she jabbed the dagger between my eyes, yelling "Death to the grammatical!", which only proved my point, if I had one.
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3-es on the planet that might be of danger to us. If you see any humans, the entire mission will be cancelled. You cannot trust them. They lie, cheat and chew sugarless gum.
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3, quite frankly, cared to know. But it did contain enough panda DNA to attempt a clone. Unfortunately, it also contained the DNA of several of her low-life johns. The animal that
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1-ull of lead by the local constabulary before they realized that it was the jolly old Kool-Aid guy. There he lay, his pitcher broken, in a puddle of artificial fruit flavors. The
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2"Time to say grace, then," said Sister Mary Tiffany through clenched teeth. (Her teeth had been superglued together by her second-graders that very morning.) But the room remained
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1Their only rivals were the Creativity police, who would shoot down their grammatical rules in favor of clever wordplay. I could only watch helplessly from behind my keyboard as
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5-prudent, considering the recent Academy Award murders. Each Hollywood employee was found dead in the order of which they had been read at the ceremony. Kiefer Sutherland was the