Finished Folds (261—280)
-
5Death knew he had to kill Time, or at least demote himself to lower-level management. He said, "I refuse to kill a number of puppies that requires scientific notation." Time glared
-
2buy a glitzy collection plate, one with magnets that attract all coins within some holy radius. As the vocal cordless pastor mimed Matthew 22, buttons were magnetized from shirts.
-
2hips," he'll say in his stupor. Take notes - climbing the ladder in the cutthroat world of cha-cha-cha is hips-centric. "Buy stock in rumba," he'll say next, you clinger you.
-
10to find a princess whose cheesy kiss could restore me. My fold was sent to the ICU where its bloatedness from too many puns and irritable vowel syndrome was treated. The bill
-
3could be fixed with a good filter, but collectors such as myself aren't interested in function. I bought and installed his HBr faucet and taped open the spray nozzle. My husband
-
3with Becky zzz-ing in a bag. I held her tongue as the Herb Tea Overload poured hot tea on it. "This'll end yer yappin', mole," he said. She didn't wake. Comanapracil: ruins torture
-
2-red the pickled mackerel eating contest. When Skaggs went down to make the apple ring garnishes, he found a bloated Tom. "Urrrgh, I eat when I'm uneasy," Tom said. Spine-snapping
-
7"Yo, don't guess what's on your card until I give you hints," said Party Guest 5. "Hint 1: It might be bad at driving." "Coffee! Lime! Vanilla!" "Hint 2: It can talk." "...Coffee!"
-
4and cauliflower brain cells. Tony retired to his mansion's harp room late one night to compose a theme song, music to jump a rope to. "Blast my cauliflower ears! Every note sounds
-
7and the crow flew over the moon. "Every 15th it's the same crap," I said as I carried my firstborn son to safety. The Vulture of Death swooped down, so I chucked the golden egg at
-
2I caught a flier for the Fruit of the Month Club being pushed by the breeze. "They send mangoes, but a month of kiwis? Apples too? I'll pass." I tapped my wand on mother's wounds
-
3against the trolls, at least the ones I couldn't convert. My missionary work as a humorist made bards of some racist joke-tellers. Rebelais would roll in his grave with laughter if
-
3had a lazy eye? "Feed it to the kids, toughen 'em up," her husband said. She scolded him and fanned out the herring profits. "Gods, I love blind patrons. Let's renovate something."
-
5wanted to win the Cialis at the Throw-A-Football-Through-A-Tire-Swing booth. His shoulder ached; the last of his testosterone coagulated in his left ankle. The fair-breasted maiden
-
9hit "send." I was locked in a snark-off with the dept. chair. She replied, "I could outshine your compelling thesis with 10 keystrokes, 9 of them q's." We archaeologists cut deep.
-
3"But professor, ma'am, you're half-asleep!" "Heh, I can do science in my sleep. Being merely half-asleep is just overkill." She tongued her lucky prosimian skull and mixed the blue
-
57 chews, one more than average. Was it fatigue? I recorded my results in the Graham Cracker Eighth column. I pulled at the perforations; crumbs fell. To account for this, I divided
-
3I invented the soquid. Now I was sensing potential solids everywhere. "Solid, huh? That would be nice," my wife barbed. I cut the tense air with a knife and spread it on my toast.
-
2Me siento así porque soy un fetichista de pies. Pies de Hector no deben estar cubiertos por calcetines. Deben estar desnudo. Haga de cuenta que soy una araña y paso en mí, Hector.
-
5His scent is 2 parts dandy, 1 part Jack Daniel's. He broad-chestedly plays with his knuckle hair as I watch from outside the window. My breath fogs the glass. I just... I love men.