Finished Folds (421—440)

• 4
  strainer to dry the Flying Spaghetti Monster into a state of extreme parch. "Ha, just try to sermonize me now," I said as I tossed the deity under the heat lamp. Endless soup would

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  2013-07-02 14:30:43

• 6
  "In addition to your terminal illness, you have a corneal ulcer," said the goat-horned doctor. "So, avoid light, including THE Light. Why not enjoy a darker afterlife alternative?"

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  2013-07-02 14:27:08

• 6
  if the G-Spot existed. But talk of Nancy filled every lecture, like guts fill a fish. Our field trips to the boathouse were also puzzling. Did human sexuality smell like fish guts?

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  2013-07-02 14:24:57

• 6
  "That's how the cookie crumbles - you step on it," the detective muttered. A Keebler elf's corpse, with a boot print in the torso's stead, was at her feet. What murderous hiker or

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  2013-07-02 05:29:04

• 3
  No, Agnes did not want to hear about the Game of Thrones episode she'd DVR'd. Buster had to "go"; where to depended on his Maker's judgment. Why did everyone have to be killed off?

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  2013-07-02 05:26:28

• 4
  As my accomplices and I faced Utah's firing squad, I liked my chances. Not only was I short, but I was also discreetly wearing a kevlar body suit. Playing dead in 3, 2, 1..."Fire!"

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  2013-07-01 20:03:53

• 6
  in accordance with the plan. Fifi Walkie Talkied instructions, but the cat threw a stick. Boy do I love those! As I buried it, the cat scampered past me and down the street. Fifi

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  2013-07-01 20:00:52

• 5
  -te every season into raising its standards? You're on notice, Autumn, what with your leaves falling and school kicking into gear. Drown in shame, your presence pains me. Be like

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  2013-07-01 19:58:05

• 5
  I removed my shovel from its massive sheath to fight the axe-wielding sentries. "Combat Analogies Weekly" said that shovel is to axe as rock is to scissors, so I swung wildly until

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  2013-07-01 18:00:57

• 2
  , "Oh Holy Personifier, lend me your joy, tears, and some arms and legs if you have time." Rock the pet rock was getting greedy. I shouldn't have given him the 7 deadly sins, after

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  2013-07-01 17:58:50

• 2
  would ruin my marriage, so I'll stick to watered-down gravy," said the giant, ever-mindful of his wife's uneasiness around drunkards. The local mice were nibbling on his beanstalk

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  2013-07-01 17:54:52

• 2
  had a chance to use this taser, so I jumped at the opportunity. Zap! "What was that for, officer?" "Awesomeness misbranding, two counts," I replied. Meanwhile, the biker bled out

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  2013-07-01 17:51:31

• 3
  his knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System was spotty, and he probably made blanket forts with the reference books. Well, Mother Bruce would teach that pickle to talk. Syntax was

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  2013-07-01 17:47:55

• 5
  had tattooed on his calf in a back alley. The procedure was mostly painless and only set Jack back a third of his piggy bank. The next logical step was graffiti. He tagged "Yabba

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  2013-07-01 17:44:19

• 5
  Bears had gods too, y'know. According to my research at Spitsbergen, Thor Bear was widely feared/worshipped amongst Norse polars. Heathen salmon were offed in the name of Thor Bear

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  2013-07-01 17:42:33

• 2
  leak at the gas station. The bus was notoriously unable to hold its diesel, and it often veered into bike lanes in a daze. "I say we *urp* run her over," the bus said. The girl

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  2013-07-01 17:41:06

• 5
  Mira fell on her back, so I reached out. "You look like you could use a hand," I said. She held on and I pulled. Moment of truth... uh-oh. I couldn't lift her. My shoulder popped

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  2013-07-01 17:36:54

• 5
  Becca snuck into her ex's house every night, only stealing what she could fit in her bindle. Tonight, she sought his heirloom: the remote control. Stealth ops were required because

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  2013-06-27 02:49:37

• 5
  The jazzy white boy vocals of Radio Disney were mixed into the static, along with LaVeyan passages read backwards. This inadvertently caused tween girls to kill pop stars and

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  2013-06-25 17:58:59

• 5
  Satellite pics of Earth are powered by ViewMaster technology, so the faux-sphericality is no surprise. The actual, cube Earth offers 6 faces to fall off of. The left one's most fun

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  2013-06-25 04:55:52