Finished Folds (401—420)

• 6
  Her party guests questioned the bite marks in the panini rolls and left in disgust. She waved good-bye with her head and posted to her "Handi-capable" blog. A dashing ham vendor

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  2013-07-15 22:19:39

• 5
  Grandpa was at the casino. Nothing kept his mind off of his impending doom quite like Sinatra played on loop in a room without clocks. He gambled away his gas money, then his car,

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  2013-07-15 22:16:16

• 5
  Amy, being a junior cartographer, mapped out the house in crayon. She'd never been in her parents' room, but she'd heard impassioned screaming. "Here be dragons!" she scribbled

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  2013-07-15 22:12:08

• 5
  solo and Assaulter Pig's jangly post-punk guitar lick. Killer Cow's udder light show distracted the concert crowd from her death. Marge shimmied up the curtain with the knife as

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  2013-07-15 22:10:10

• 6
  It hit me. As a projectionist, I ruled supreme. I could swap a family film for a snuff film, or treat the audience to an erotic shadow puppet show. How best to flaunt my standing?

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  2013-07-15 14:53:36

• 3
  grave robbing trio bonked him on the head with a rake and opened the casket. "A three-piece suit, what luck!" "And tailored too, boss." I dialed but three numbers: 9-1-1. My wish

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  2013-07-15 14:50:25

• 6
  Derek was the kind of guy who wore a tracksuit everywhere, even though he wasn't a runner. He liked to trick people into thinking he did verbs. An electrolytic beverage belt held

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  2013-07-15 14:47:29

• 2
  Rainbow cloud TSA agents are notoriously quick to frisk, and I had a veritable arsenal in my pants. Coming down was a must. I snatched the sandbags from a passing hot air balloon

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  2013-07-15 14:43:39

• 5
  The fire melted the wax that kept his demonic wings on, and they hit the ground with a thud. The moment was ruined. "Kids, let me tell you the story about why I don't use duct tape

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  2013-07-14 20:16:26

• 5
  Dear Diary, I drew that "S" thing on Josh's hand today, but before 7th period, he'd washed it off. Hygiene is totes adorbs! I washed my Josh altar to honor his hygienic ways.

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  2013-07-14 20:13:22

• 3
  "Our soup of the day is sour neck in a hyperglycemic broth. Any takers?" I grabbed my daughter and bolted. They should serve American food in Transylvania. Tourists deserve

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  2013-07-14 20:10:02

• 5
  outed her as a Milwaukee Bucks fan, and as a non-human. Her undercover operation into taxidermy head mounts was in jeopardy. She hid in the bed of a pickup with camo decals, hoping

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  2013-07-14 20:07:25

• 4
  When townsfolk voiced their beef with how aesthetically unappealing the giant dome would be, The Architect designed a thorny rainforest canopy to do the job. The lush prison craze

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  2013-07-14 19:36:46

• 3
  MeOW (Meow Re-Mix drop the bass) mu-mu-mu-mu-mu-mu-MEOW. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. MEOW meow meow. Buffalo BUFFALO buffalo. Meow meow MEOW.

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  2013-07-14 19:34:40

• 7
  "What *are* marriage vows even? Rules? Guidelines? More like suggestion box pipe dreams at best." Man, Craig sure knew how to talk me into justifying the dead hooker in my trunk.

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  2013-07-03 02:24:55

• 5
  And lo, Fraco Deshi realized that the program had a flip side, full of yet-to-be-sung Yuletide ditties. He didn't care if his son was Joseph. Christmas in July had to stop before

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  2013-07-03 02:22:41

• 3
  "Ack! Save... yourselves," the cavalryman pled as he coughed up blood. "Oh no, he has bronchitis," said the sage, ignoring the cavalryman's case of "throat sword." Further tests

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  2013-07-03 02:20:25

• 6
  Jimmy Crow was one with pretty much everyone. Unlike other ghostwriters, he dressed as his clients and took their wives to dinner. Today's assignment was for a Teen Zine journalist

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  2013-07-02 23:36:02

• 5
  every peach needs its cream, and his moisturizing cream had been stolen. "What goes around comes around," said Mr. Klepto. He stole that line, just like he stole my heart. His hand

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  2013-07-02 23:34:19

• 2
  "I'm so 'the life of the party' that my own cats think I'm inanimate." I started this dating profile as a joke; now it was just sad. I needed someone with a compatible joke profile

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  2013-07-02 14:32:32