Finished Folds (1521—1540)
-
6my electric sitar; well, actually I just pushed the demo button. But where was my dog? "Sparky, more Cheetos!" I ordered. I had trained him to bring me snacks, bleach my socks, and
-
6he rode me to HQ in his bike. "I wasn't resisting arrest, officer," I pled, squirming in the basket. The murderer next to me glared and pushed back. "Down in front!" the cop yelled
-
6pranced away with it. I ran down the street, looking for someone suspicious, leotarded, and be-glittered. "Did you see who stole my skate?" I asked a bum. He pointed at the public
-
1was truly passionate for swabbing, and nothing more. She leaned in with perked lips, and he leaned in with a Q-tip. Was there any amount of handsomeness worth an ear swabbed raw?
-
7The doctor performed a scat scan to assess the contents. "Hmm, three parts unborn alien, two parts thai food," he said. "Your body rejected both." Thai food? I didn't remember
-
5flash for emergency sample shortages, Melinda breaks into the pretzel-halves stash in her vest pocket. But the recurring brain frostbite from free ICEE's has impaired her motor
-
6one and only third wife, I leave my yacht, the S.S. Dinghy-Slayer. To Fifi, I leave the Beware of Dog sign attached to the electric aura around my guest island. As for my fortune,
-
4"One man's trash..." was the slogan of Landfill Days, my town's response to waste accumulation. Everyone came for BYOB Tuesday and stayed for the games, like Find the Needle in The
-
3I wasn't cut out to be a Teppanyaki chef. My flaming onion volcanoes collapsed, my jokes fell flat, and on multiple occasions I damaged a child's eye with an errant shrimp toss or
-
7-he corniest eunuch in the choir." We eunuchs gave a balls-to-the-wall effort when it came to nostalgia. Virgisius in Row 3 had a saber-tooth necklace. My unicorn's fur was looking
-
3the Easy-Bake Oven. I popped open its burning door to salvage what I could of my breakfast burrito. "Tom, don't! It's too dangerous!" Jenny shouted. But the smell of burnt sausage
-
4I attached my spy camera to an RC plane and flew it through the chimney. I saw a girl scout at the door, some presents Santa dropped on the roof, and gun smoke. Suddenly, my plane
-
3Lays, with dandruff for salt and blood for salsa. My worldview had been rocked during my days in Chinatown as a health inspector. Everywhere I looked, I saw spoiled food, mold, and
-
3'ungood'. The result was 'a job trims skirts', which flying V's of geese could comprehend more easily than metaphors. Big Brother looked at his creation and saw that it was gooder.
-
3-litaire shifts." Kenneth dealt solitaire at the casino and made sure no one cheated. He bagged the dead body and tossed it in the pile next to the russian roulette table. Sally
-
5cave painters painting cave paintings. I grabbed the papyrus and started writing. "The History of Meta." Hmm... "The History of the History of Meta." The Metacave had infected my
-
3Star Wars waste bin at her side. The Carpet King approached. "You ladies interested in shag?" Momma grabbed a stone and reared back. She recognized that 10-gallon hat, that look of
-
8bitter rivals to the Crips and the Crops, and friends to no one. When a Duster cuts to the front of the Jello line, you just accept it. They pack sawed-off dustpans in their
-
3of catered cheese cubes. Ever since the Mild Abduction Act of 1984, eating un-aged Cheddar was considered a felony. They hired Det. James Manatee to investigate the consumption of
-
5afford computer classes. Actuaries calculated souls to be worth precisely $40, but Kaitlin shrewdly auctioned hers off to a crowd of rich, recovering pop stars. The winning bid was