Finished Folds (1501—1520)
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8residents in upper Sasquatchewan. My "Tea With Bigfoot" segment (Tuesdays after sports) actually starred Vinny, my costumed cousin. Ironically, my fate had been sealed by the real
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2-line they shared led to physically defective children. Amy's newborn daughter had a bowling ball-shaped head, complete with thumb holes. "She's easy to carry," my evil twin re
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8delivery of hemp sweaters, Elmo ripped them up and sprinkled them into a cup in their Easy Baked Oven. "A fine Cannabisque," said the Lorax. Culture transcended all states of mind.
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4Unfortunately, Gangkhar Puensum was already inhabited by a tribe of ostracized tax collectors. As he meditated, they taxed poetic: "At the peak of ascent, we procure 10 percent.
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6"I've done it!" he exclaimed, raising the turkey baster in triumph. "I've extracted pure beige." An air of excitement filled the lab as his TA embraced him. But Crayola's lawyers
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12Mall Seats protestors, who were hogging the wooden benches. Madame Stretch Pants shot down a Mall Seater in a Pier 1 bubble chair. "We must reclaim our right to lounge," she cried
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4went the little clocks, each one a grain of sand in the hourglass of my mental omnipotence. I smiled as the window unlocked itself and peered inside me. "Have a look," I said, not
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3like a house of cards beneath an ogre's bingo marker, and I eagerly removed my homemade armor. Nanna's bowl of cookie dough made reality a worthy superseder of fantasy. She made me
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5of my concubot rain dancing, with the words 'Lust for Rust' cradling her tin cans. "The water fried her system, but not before she made off with my cash," I told the tattoo artist,
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4It complemented the stuffed puppies and dragons already adorning her wall. But her fluffy fantasy was missing a plush prince... She noticed her napping husband, and smiled evilly.
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0he dropped his coin, and it rolled into a storm drain. But he had a good feeling about this lottery. He turned his box inside-out looking for change. He could smell the Jackpot, or
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3-top the burning coals? His resolution to be spontaneous seemed much more desirable in the planning stages. He removed a shoe and poked a coal with his pinky toe. "Yeeouch!!" Smoke
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10-blocked. She uppercutted the floating ? Blocks to find her lost phone. The first one had foreign currency, and the second had an odd flower. But then she heard her ringtone in a
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2Uncle Sam surveyed his surroundings: empty margarita pitcher, Soviet supermodel, Neil and Buzz wearing sombreros. "Back to work, El Buzzo," he said. "America's going to Mars." Buzz
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4-amorphed backwards. His insides had melted, leaving only a hollow cocoon of his former self. When he returned to an embryo, he was used to fertilize the next great American eater.
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3typing my thesis, "Flame Tossers: A Compromise Between Sissy and Savage." [enter, tab] "For years, flame throwers have wreaked havoc on distant enemies of all sizes, and ethical
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3cranked it up. He resented mother's neglect, so he'd force her to change his diaper a dozen times to get more attention. He turned off the nozzle and waited with a Highlights mag &
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2-urfing cockroaches. I had a policy of "live and let live" with them, seeing as how they were the only other creatures left living. I tossed them some bar circus peanuts and sang
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4His favorite knot was the "Wrap-Nell-Around-A-Railroad-Track" knot, which he employed as the cargo-loaded 9:45 train approached. Snidley twirled his 'stache in delight as the train
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3The scientists who brought us Magic Candles had also experimented with self-regenerating Magic Icing. "Never come up short on shortening," they claimed. But disaster struck when