Finished Folds (241—260)
-
4to administer my neck massage. Now, if you've never had a neck massage from a tiny finger monkey, you just haven't lived. I didn't even care about the money at this point.
-
2a bowl of Grape-Nuts. It's all about regularity in old age. Now, my body rebeled at the thought of late nights spent binge drinking. It was no longer life in the fast lane.
-
2What's even worse than a mere public toilet is a porta-potty. I loathe those things and refuse to bake inside of them, surrounded by the stetch of human excrement like some
-
5whether this means I am the ruler of my own self-contained kingdom. And by "kindgom," I mean my bacteria-ridden body. That's fine, I could live with being king of my own parasites.
-
4was careful to avoid the SciFi/Fantasy section of the bookstore whose painted covers of alien women beckoned me. I fought myself to look away, but it was too late.
-
3items of clothing knotted to open his very own macrame fashion boutique shop. It would be the first of its kind, the cutting edge of fashion in his small town. The idea excited him
-
5stop taking the medication. Let others call him a paranoid schizophrenic. He didn't care. HE could see the truth past the lies, even if others couldn't. That's how he knew that
-
3The better question is - what happened to all the sax players from the '80s? Used to be you couldn't hear a pop song without some sax backup. I often wonder about their fates.
-
4less experienced call girl could join his employ. I mean really, when have you heard of a pimp laying off one of his hookers? NOW where am I supposed to get my dental benefits?
-
2Yeah, the last time I woke up after a drunken binge with a new tattoo emblazed across my back. I'm not really sure what "Sweet" referred to, but my friend had "Dude" on his back so
-
2Well, let's be serious. I'm not giving up the LSD. I do my best dinosaur fighting and ghost hunting while enfolded in that magical drug.
-
3with the vacant stare of one who had indulged in too much reality television. The madness had seeped into her heart, her blood, her very soul. But I still loved her, always.
-
4That's right. As they say, everything he touched turned to shit. And yet, he wouldn't stop touching things! At this point, I should mention that he was a selfish s.o.b.
-
5Fortunately, I had a supply of cough drops on my person. They were turkey-flavored and purchased in bulk from the discount store. I can't imagine why they didn't sell well.
-
2in the history books after all? Or would 5 minutes of internet fame splashed across TMZ be the most she could hope for? She sighed wistfully and made her choice.
-
5I scowled. "I thought you said that B was for Blood. Now it's Blister? Fine, then. C is for Confused." I nodded triumphantly. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
-
3cancel my order for that family of pet rocks... oh well. I figured I'd make the best of the situation. I needed new friends anyway. I set them up in my living room, all 25 of them.
-
4or through a rifle's powerful scope. In his case, I would prefer to keep him at shooting range. After all, I can't be drunk ALL the time, and he would always be hideously ugly.
-
3caught me up their sticky web. What? You've never heard that fairies can spin webs? Well, these did. They had me trussed up like the guy from "Gulliver's Travels." Not only that,
-
4The worst part is that I really can't understand anything he's saying as I only speak Esperanto. In fact, this entire story has been translated for your benefit.