Finished Folds (161—180)
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3If there's one thing that you DON'T do in my family, it's steal someone else's sex toys. And that includes roleplaying paraphenalia. I had learned that lesson the hard way when
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1reacting on its own accord and was flipping the bird to everyone who crossed my path. Inept mailman? Crochety old guy? Sister Francis? They all got the finger from me despite my
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1Some people --scratch that, MOST people-- would be aghast to lean that the Royal Family speaks the tongue of Thug quite fluently. To them, I say, "Call me Debra."
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0At least, I think that's what Oprah said between her tears as she prattled on and on about her special relationship with her best friend, Gail. Personally, I think
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2Vagitarianism suited Martha much better than her cockivore days and she was only too happy to share her newfound path with her beloved Cindy.
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4was not amused. Little did I know that she was a rebel cyborg who didn't follow the rules. Her hand whipped out in blinding speed and snatched my own mid-taunt. She snapped my arm
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1they went with Bill Murray instead. The film hit cult status and Bill's been playing the same deadpan sad sack character in every film since. It's genius!" I heartily disagreed.
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6tail from the hot girl working at the unemployment office. She didn't seem to think it odd at all that I was constantly out of work. Maybe I should step up my game. I decided to
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2this horrible facial tic was my curse. Do you know how hard it is to seem sincere when you are constantly giving involuntary smirks? I was pegged as an asshole.
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4in search of a weapon, but all he found between the cushions was spare change. And a paperclip. What good would that do against a now living pasta machine intent on his death?
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4with Miss Piggy kneeling before him reverently. On second glance, maybe they should have redesigned that stained glass panel... Miss Piggy and Kermit were uncomfortably close
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3him out for putting the rest of the knitting circle to shame with his fantastic creations. They were jealous, oh so jealous, of Claude's ability to transform yarn into
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5actually feeling them. Some suspected that she was dour on purpose, a sort of humor-rebellion against her much more popular mother. She'd have her funny bone removed if she could.
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1who was quite devout. For each of the eight days of Chanukah, she would give out some Catholic tchotchke under the guise of honoring her husband's memory. She was a wily one.
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4often described as "that horsefaced fella who can't swim." So, of course, his nickname was "Ducky." It made sense, didn't it? Such is the mentality of carnies. Ducky always said
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2brought him some relief - at least he wasn't stuck in a Devo music video. He shuddered. Those... "spuds" as they referred to themselves were a creepy lot, drooling in rabid awe.
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1but I didn't think much of it until the next day when that hotshot Dan in marketing announced that he had "the new face" of Mr. Peanut. I recognized that monocle as residual from
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1next-door neighbor who walked in on him one morning to borrow a cup of sugar. He silently cursed his love of naked house cleaning at that moment when Mrs. Beasley caught an eyeful.
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2common NONsense. It's true on both parts - it's quite common and always nonsensical. This belief is the only thing that keeps me sane less I claw at my face with every stupid
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3guide. Remember that youth group founded by the YMCA with the politically incorrect name? No? Well, it's not surprising that the Indian Guides have declined in popularity. Must be