9 Folds
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were telling me that my insurance premium had gone WAY up. So I faked my death, and left my bank accounts full of pure nothing. I replaced the dead things with insurance agents. -
5
suggestively. "Carl, you're dressed for the job you want to have, if that job is a stripper." "Check that. I've done stripper and accountant, all that's left is President of the
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would have been better if we'd left out those dead flies." "I was a spider back in the eighties," Grandma croaked, "that's why I named Dick's sister Charlotte."
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had drowned Mrs. Marmoset beneath his dam. "Damn," said Det. Elk, "if you're right, Beaver has killed 10 animals right under our snouts." "I'm right," Manatee replied, "and I know
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wailed. The bus driver leaned over to the woman next to him. "She's white, she's straight-- so where's the privilege gone?" The woman chuckled. "She's also a lizard in human skin."
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When I kissed her, she kissed back. When I took her to bed, she did her part. When I told her I loved her? She stayed silent. That said, I was happy with my lifelike sex doll,
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Bond returned Squidling #017's squeeze. "Right. And don't forget the ace we've got up our tentacles." 017 patted the egg sac concealed in Bond's pocket. "A resilient family indeed"
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-ed by the audience. They copied me, hopping side-to-side, and my eyes teared up as they blocked the bathroom door. Somebody started the music, and I let loose on the dance floor.
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"Gross," whispered star cadet Grannen as the simulation continued. Cadet Lim sniggered. "It's not like Crazy Eddie even needs the product placement. Forget fanny filters, last week
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was, or a Nebulous Battleship. Jimbeau and Flopp were beginning to wonder where they could turn to have all these strange new terms defined. An Untimely Jubilee? A Flubbering
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4
Loki and Krishna snickered as Mr. Valkyries and his team shrank under the harsh gaze of the Iron Chef: Bastet. "Silence!" Zeus boomed. "The secret ingredient is
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he told me I could use it to purify drinking water. And cook pizza. And make shrinky-dink keychains! I wasn't sure if that made it worth $500, but I still needed a pregnancy test,
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with punishment! I was raised in a very conservative family." The demon glanced around. "That's actually why I run this place-- I'm kind of an expert. But my upbringing wasn't so
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for him to denounce the hate crimes that had taken place since he had taken office. "Look," drawled the president elect, groping an aide, "nobody respects women more than I do."
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With his therapist he worked through nightmares, fought demons, and tried to recover. Then he realized therapy had cost him everything. He sold his soul to his demons and moved on.
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Petticoat Gals were convinced to move their foot-themed tea party back out into the garden, and sing mostly frontwards. Only then did we realize the tea had been laced with
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I turned to her with love in my eyes. "Fair horse girl, I'd do anything for you, but I'm deathly allergic to elopement, and I don't own any lunchboxes." She dumped me on the spot.
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The space/sea-craft shot into the sky, titanium sails flapping. "So," Seamus Levine began, "any guesses as to how long it might take us to get to Neptune? Like, a week, right?"
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had agreed to officiate pulled out at the last second to take sitar classes. Luckily, the pink weasels were distracted by their newfound star power, and Ravi agreed to marry if
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scoops of potatoes and peas across the trenches, the dishes locked in all out war. "All this because of us?" whispered the spoon. The fork held him close. "You never asked for this