I entered my apartment and smelled sulfur.

I entered my apartment and smelled sulfur. Satan had been here, and I was willing to bet he was taking Cheryl out right now. I knew I never should have trusted Satan around my girl

and now I was paying the price. The Prince of Darkness would laying the wood to my sweet little Cheryl any minute now and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Unless

sprinkling her diaphragm with holy water actually worked. It was a little precaution we took."You never know when Lucifer might tempt you." Cheryl'd said. I watched as He literally

interpreted the bible. As a result he faithfully believed that the earth was only 5000 years old and that dinosaur bones were put in the earth by the

Lord, who was testing our faith/fucking with us. "Do you believe in dinosaurs?" was heaven's entrance exam; the correct answer was "no." One guy who learned this the hard way was

a warlock from the old country, possessed of the notion that, even if he answered incorrectly, his consolation prize would consist of preservation in amber for millions of years.

The warlock chewed on his no. 2 pencil. "Lead is to Gold as Mercury is to..." The witchcraft SAT had him stumped, if only he hadn't caroused with those Scottish coven last night.

He kept thinking but couldn't reach that desired state of epiphany. "Venus... no chrome.. wait what?!" His internal struggle was making him argue with his ridiculous self.

He decided to to put his internal struggle aside for a few minutes and have a Chipwich in Ipswich. That's when he realized all his years of self questioning boiled down to

qualms about affiliations. So what if he liked a Sarnath Sarnie now and then? So what if Newcastle tasted too sweet, considering the horrific incident? Unsettled? Well, settled.