My blind date looked like Tom Petty after a particularly hard bender. Red eyes, hair all scraggly. Breasts full, not firm. I kinda smiled, sat down, and said "Hey, I'm Bill." She

The shrouded gates opened. Amy moved towards them. Then she was stopped. A red-eyed raven hulked on the Gate post. It gargled, "Ms. Winehouse, where do you think you're going?"

"I wanna dance!" she announced to the room. Everyone in the asylum turned sharply toward Anna, the head nurse. "I wanna DANCE!" she exclaimed with a kick and a twist.

Marzipan fruit has a chalky consistency and a slight taste of almonds. Green olives are packed in jars. These, and many other facts, I have written down in my new best seller "

"You're serious?" Amanda pointed at the small box on the table. "Of course, I wouldn't kid about something like this. It's locked inside. I honestly don't know what the hell to

Beer was no medicine, this I knew. But the night was young, I was heartbroken, and I didn't give a damn. I would drink the town dry if only if meant ridding my thoughts of his

The cat tinkled the keys with an air of grace, as the little girl danced.

i was on mountain lost and all alone not a sound could be heard from any where when all of the sudden i heard a

"This is too hard" said Jim, "Thats what she said" said Michael.

I love music so much I would...

Bob Marley's foot ached. He wanted to go to the hospital. But his agent said, "Listen man, you're supposed to be spiritual. If you see a doctor it might mess up your

I looked at my box of Cookie Crisp. It's first mascot was Jarvis the Wizard, then it was a cop, and a burgler. The burglar had a dog. Now the dog is the only mascot and a wolf. Huh

Norman liked flapjacks, Yahtzee and ZZ Top which made him a perfect

once there was a monster in my closet. he was big and hairy. so hairy I

I bandaged my oozing toe with a strip of cloth I'd cut from an old shirt, winced, cussed as I put my sneakers back on. I really needed to control my temper. If I didn't stop kickin

"Katmandu! Australia! Fermentation and defenestrations! There are only a few things that these words share in common and if you can guess what they are I won't

No question. Transplants were needed. But usually donors remain anonymous.The testaments both stated they'd only accept each others tissues so Brad & Angie truly became Brangie

Sarah Lanecrush was meanest girl that ever existed in Orange County. Her only friends were people that she'd impaled on her bitchy conversations and still writhed in pain

So the old lady opened the bank's letter. "We regret to inform you Ma'am but we are foreclosing on your shoe." She didn't need this. She had so many children, and now this?

She told me her name was Luca and that she lived on the second floor. Her story was so heartbreaking that I knew it could make me rich some how. So I stole it and put it in