"What the hell?" he thought. Everyone else was looting from everywhere. The news said it was the end of times and instead of repenting, they were finally getting what they thought

Ever since my mom sat me down and told me that my father was an anonymous sperm donor I have been trying to find the other half of me that's always been a mystery. All I had was

To pay off my gambling debt, I stole money from myself in fold #2. Yeah! now I can pay it off. I wonder where I got the money in the first place?

Everybody knows I don't dance unless I am extremely drunk. When extremely drunk I can dance & speak Spanish fluently. Other than that I don't dance. So why am I dancing today?

Roger Ebert looked at the woman across the bar, Annette Fonicello. He raised his glass in a toast. She smiled. Then Margaret Thatcher arrived, "Am I interrupting?"

One morning I woke to find myself slightly elevated. The Turtle of the Baskervilles had somehow found itself under me, flipped. As I rested on its belly, it whispered the 18th word

It would be the Woodstock of Foldspace. Urs Tikumu had invited all the hot bands, The Endosomatics, Elements of Disharmony,M.T. Coffin & the Goosebumps, Rex Stardust & the manikins

I was a tightrope walker and today, I was walking across the world's deepest hole. Showing off, I was eating Cheetos while doing it. Unfortunately, I fell off. At the bottom, a man

"tori is the hottest female on the planet" i declared haphazardly to noone in particular, but didn't care since noone but her mattered to me anymore anyway. I built a rocket ship

Due to cuts in educational funding, the board has narrowed the periodic table to the four basic elements of earth, air, fire and water. Some other changes we wil implement are

Looks like there was more wet here now than this past summer, Eddie thought to himself, moving closer to the edge but fearful to get too close to the

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and finish a story. It's a messy business. The pressure to conclude the story is like making a joke to a crowd, you really hope it

Last friday night I

His life's mission was to secretly spread feces. He'd once wiped his ass on a fruit cake. It cut his ass up something fierce, but who could see ass juice and blood on a fruit cake?

Hackers hacking hackers. Easy prey. They should have noticed how easy it would be to have someone take them down personally with a flash hit-squad. Better money than porn, that's

hey my name is Jeff. i wanted to have a friend that was def. I was walking down the street and i found a...

I have been studying sperm whales for 11 years so far, and I plan on continuing this career.

So you think that you have been to Hell? Well, buddy, I disagree. I spent 15 years in the NFL -- and no one took a beating like me.

I will do it today. I will run straight through and do it, because I don't think that what I am doing with my life right now is good for me.

I am a sentient idea, with no physical form of my own. I spread from mind to mind, never fully controlling my hosts, but subtly influencing their actions so that they collectively