In the spring, animals wake from hibernation but how is it that she still sleeps. The doctor says she thinks its time to pull the plug but my family can't bare the loss of a rock.

He eats a lot because he has an emotional

Dave Bowman stared at the rotary dial phone that had appeared on his table. The blue tofu was okay, but after the trip he'd been through, he was thinking some spicy Mexican cuisine

This is the story of how Squawkers got his little head stuck in a magoty Nutella jar. It all started when 2 drunk hooligans tormented spambaby in a wheelbarrow. Marvin the flamingo

Ben & Jerry's has a new Pot Brownie Batter ice cream, which means dieting is officially a non-thing. I hide my stash in a secret compartment in my water bottle. Dogs always sniff

"A window cleaner me " read the side of the van, but it was filled with electronics and a half mile above the desert, operatives were bugging the windows of the Burj Khalifa.

'Do you have any idea how fast you were going?' 'Yeah, it was awesome, right?'

Harry Kim was late for his duty shift yet again. Lately he'd been spent more and more time on the Holodeck with a holo-version of Seven of Nine. Last night, she'd assimilated him

How could I ever trust her if she talks behind my back! This is an important mission and Rebecca was going to ruin it if I didn't stop her first.

"Only a fool would fold a foal!" fulminated Frances furiously. "Furthermore,

Uncertain of weather it was her insuicance or his temerity, Dan Betward could read the writing on the wall. He decided it was useless to continue playing the entertaining fool, and

They say that seminary is the cemetery for the faithful. It is black-suited, chain-wearing zombies that are sent back to the church and they wonder why the church is dying! Resurr

I was having a beautiful walk, when suddenly a wild junkie appeared and tried to stab a needle in my arm..

My name is Richard,

I was dancing in my room like a spastic, but then all of a sudden my left leg broke underneath me and i headbutted my bedroom door.

I love my spatula. No, I'm not some animated submarine sponge - I just truly appreciate the fine craftmanship, the heft, the scooping power of a finely made spatula. Sure, you're

I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I mean A LOT. Like a literal crap-ton. Do you even know how much that is? That's enough to distend an ox stomach three levels past engorgement

"Implement Factor VII." "Sir, if we do that, the misanthropic squealers might go all 'nihilist' on us again!" "I am willing to take that risk. Implement it. That's an order."

Oooooh! Its a long, long way to tip a cow! Its a long way, today! Its a long, long way to tip a cow! Let's do this anyway! (I say.) Now everybody. Chorus! ITS A LONG, LONG WAY TO

"Let's play Doctor." "Err.. Dr. Curleigh, You ARE my Doctor." "Well I want to be the patient this time. Here put on my smock & stethoscope." "Yes Dr...." "... and don't call me Dr.