"Nothing like this ever ends well," she said, holding onto my arm. I squeezed her hand. "Maybe this will be different," I answered, but I knew

I put on my robe and wizard hat. The garish costume did nothing to improve my spirits, however, and the sleeves were now far too short. I sighed in disgust. I needed a tailor.

It was the second to the last day for the National Writing Project fellows. After a gratifying four weeks of writing boot camp, they were about to be free. Then things got weird.

It is possible to steal an infant from the hospital, if you do it just right. You do not even need to use a disguise, if you simply

Fine, you go ahead and start the car. Meanwhile, I'll finish putting rope around the children, burn the house and make sure the neighbours keep quiet. Just don't complain when

Dollar bills floated through the air in the small wind tunnel of the shoe store. They did this kind of thing to attract business on slow days. She'd forgotten the toxins embedded

I fumbled and dropped my last remaining clip. I'd never been good at reloading in a hurry, and the growing stench of piss was only making me more nervous - particularly due to

"ZOMBIE PONIES" was the rallying cry at Slickmo Toys Unlimited. They had already lined up the syndicated cartoon show, kid's cereal and temporary tatoos. Their next step,

The part of me that is a former graphic designer is intrigued and appalled by this technology.

This year, the team was challenged to come up with a machine that would perform twelve tasks on

You don't know me. I'm the one that puts that "Fruit of the Loom" sticker on those tidy whities you are sitting there in. Working at the computer in your underwear? I should

They squared up to each other. Everyone was shouting. They were breathing deeply, glaring harshly into one anothers eyes. Walkie talkies were cracklng with distress.

Delivering a corpse was out of the question, but re-animating a shredded body full of shrapnel was too rich for his pay grade. He nodded once before drifting across the center line

The only purple folder lay on his desk. These meant the worst possible thing and he could barely think it, let alone coax his hand into opening it. That would take bourbon and lots

The ship smashed against the rocks. Severed heads rolled out of the chest. This is where the captain has been hiding his friends. I took the torch and waved it at

Deep breaths, each one successively deeper, widened the berth given to him by those around him. The herd could smell a stampede and were spreading for safety. He could barely hide

Don't sugar coat it. Take out the fart spray and goose this turnip good. I'm tired of everyone blaming the fat guy for unowned odors. This time I will strike, and strike hard until

There I lie, covered with warm piss, eating cold Ramen -- Chicken flavor.

"How did I get here?" he thought as he sat on the tip of a Trident Nuclear Weapon. It was damn uncomfortable. He looked down and realized just how far down

Jack was a jack of many trades. Ex-miner, ex-pirate, ex-mercenary - the list was not full. It did not include, for instance, a number of ex-friends, that were possessed by a desire