"Fossilized ossified ossobuccophile." "Erotic exotic necrotic otters." I countered. This was getting serious. "Elementary sedimentary actuaries" he riposted effortlessly. Sweat

The hounds of the megachurch were set loose on the congregation. To develop the hounds' checkered past, would you accept a side quest entitled "Houndpups Lose Sanity at PetSmart"?

Before winning the Minnesota American Teen Princess pageant, Amber had had no idea how busy her life would become. It seemed that, as part of th contest, each winner was required

Donkey 43

Bob Drane was the company’s vice president for new business strategy and development when Oscar Mayer tapped him to try to find some way to reposition bologna and other troubled me

"Oh, sure," Max grunted, "easy for you. You've never spent one minute in a zombie brothel, much less an hour trying to sort out what's left over after a

"Die" I whispered,"Die now". I struck out with unbelievable force and the knife sunk deep into his chest. Blood followed, like the waterfalls of hatred that pour from our ears when

Hi slept in a sleeping bag mounted to the wall and his alarm went off at a random time. He dranks his tang and ate his tootsies. It was all part of his regiment.

It's the night before Christmas and all trough the house Granny farts tweet like the tinniest mouse. Granny waddles along on her way nowhere she lost glasses and can't find her

A minivan bumped along the windy roads in the Himalayas as Tsewang the guide toured him through Bhutan, past Yaks and Takins and Monasteries

This story is not about Hamlet, but about slow-adult cousin Omelette. Long before the famed-skullduggery, Hamlet was put in charge in Omelette. They traveled around

"A pirate's sweat tastes like whiskey." I look at William (instead of drop kicking his chest) and say, "and you know this how?"

Janice pushed him down the stairs. Clunk. Bang. Flash of light. Dark. When he came to he felt groggy. His vision was blurred. He called for help but bubbles escaped his mouth

As The Grateful Dead and Phish and Deadmau5 all jammed out the audience couldn't stop taking the mega dose LSD/MDMA pills that where being handed out in giant tubs by a guy in a

The last applicant was the most qualified of the bunch, by a wide margin. Loads of relevant experience <check>, leadership qualities <check>, suspicious beard <double check>.

Perry woke up, rolled over, and purred he was a platypus after all.

El pendejo corrió por el pueblo gritando: "¡El lobo ha robado las ovejas" por última vez!" Lo metieron en la estacada. Todo el mundo sabía que el pueblo no tenía ovejas.

"I did not hit her...Oh hi Mark!"

Dear Abby, Why does my Venus Flytrap plant keep grabbing at the zipper on my trousers? - Baffled Botanist in Boston

Moxie secretly diverted the radio telescope to transmit his message to the aliens ship. He wanted to have the exclusive story. "My Interview with an Alien" was his dream title but