The Syder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Sandwiches were all gone. Oglaf.com would not load for some mysterious reason. Worst of all, his desire to finally lay to rest his

...Join and be an Army of One!" I was swayed by the recruitment poster and signed up. Little did I know it was the Swiss Army where they do things differently...

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. Justice? You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law. Sheriff Burton unholstered his Colt

Captain Carpathia was, to put it mildly, not one of the A-list superheroes. Sure, he had an origin story (something that involved a radioactive toilet plunger and a goat named

I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something & knowing something. I held little of the claim that knowing somethings real name gave you control over it

Adrian Popplecock, official talent scout for Britiain's got talent. I pride myself on finding unusual talent. I scouted Mr. Methane & The Regurgitator. I got a tip to check out an

When the puppet found out who was pulling the strings, his jaw dropped to the floor. Every aspect of his life, from breakfast at

The day the grid went down, many were trapped in their home entertainment bunkers. I was out and about, surrounded by lost, panicky people going through early withdrawal. Linkless

Since tomorrow is the end of the world, I would like to tell my fair readers a little story about the meaning of life and happiness. To lift up your spirit. "There once was a

Lego man left Legoland in search of adventure. First he visited Barbie & Ken at their Fun Holiday Dream House. Second, Lego man drove a Tonka Truck to pick up Shrinky Dinks for

I love calamari. Or at least what I *thought* was calamari. Turns out there's a good chance I've been eating pig bung all this time. Oh, you say you don't know what bung is??

THE RULES: 1) No Typing. 2) No dictating. 3) No telekinesis / man-computer mind melds. 4) No pointing, no clicking, no mousing, no touchpadding. Failure to adhere to THE RULES

I'm done. Finished. Good-bye cruel world...good-bye.

In the undergrowth of New Zealand's forests the flightless Kiwi hid from feral cats. It seemed doomed to extinction until New Zealand outlawed all cats. Cat owners were required to

After a few drinks Mr Ego thought he was the hottest man at the nightclub. Every lady he approached didn't seem interested in his moves so Mr Ego drank more alcohol and thought

Europa, dazzled by the beauty of the white bull, let it lick her hand. Then tipping its horns the bull (aka Zeus) rolled her onto its back and plunged into the ocean towards Asia.

Once upon a time there was a woman who tried to sneak her chameleon through customs by wearing it as a hat.

The best I can explain the feeling is like somewhere between getting the birds 'n the bees talk from your parents and starting off the breakup talk with a long-time partner. It's

My neighbor walks past my house every morning under the premise of walking his dog, but what he really is doing is looking in my window. "Hey Harold!" I shout & wave at him

The inaccurate intolerance reigns throughout the journalist. He is