She looked out of her kitchen window.What she saw was less a lawn, more a field. Had it really been 6 months since she dragged that mower out of the shed?Well it would explain the

I got detention for calling my teacher a bumhole. I thought it was clever, he disagreed. The thing about detention is that you get to learn all these neat tricks from the bad kids.

The accelerator suddenly dropped to the floor, and all 476 horses thundered under the hood. Flames jetted from the side exhaust, and the impromptu crowd whooped and hollered at the

He kept his eyes on the prize, just on top of the mantle. "Don't it make my brown eyes blue..." he thought that the song was fitting for the situation but maybe a bit too literal.

With a loud click, the door shut behind him. He was in a sterile white room. A voice droned, "Mars Sense Deprivation test: Subject A-4." The only thing in the room was a slinky.

When I was a child we would go down to the swimming hole and stand on the shore casing rocks into the water. The goal was to be the first one to hit the kraken. Only one kid

Now when i try to remember how i thought my first day in highschool would be i imagined there where things being thrown everywhere people who looked like they would be parents and

There she was, just a-walking down the street, singing, "Do wa diddy, diddy dum, diddy do." Snapping her fingers, and stomping her feet, singing,

I turned to see what time it was and it was 6:23. I suddenly went into rush mode.My bus should be coming any minute now.I grabbed by bookbag rushed towards the door and then...

"Why can't I rip the tag off of the mattress??!!!" Stacy knew why, but she did not let on. She wanted Terri to

When I turn on this desk lamp I feel like strangling my daughter's puppy. I want to see how slowly I can apply the pressure around its neck to get the most out of its struggling

It was just one of those days. The portable death ray couldn't be propped up on the balcony because SOMONE forgot to bring a three-prong extension chord. Good minions are hard to

A giggle turned into a chuckle that begat a short burst of laughter out loud. A hearty guffaw then rounded steadily into the dreaded silent laugh where my stomach began to ache and

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Nope, he doesn't know what I'm thinking. How could he?' But I knew that. I knew you were thinking that I didn't know what you were thi

I am so sorry. I ate all of your peeps.

English has been 'enriched' with words like 'sexting' & 'cybersex', but what's the expression for the act of surfing Streetview looking for couples caught in the act? Googoyeurism?

In a huge pond, there lived many fish. They were arrogant and never listened to anyone. In this pond, there also lived a kind-hearted crocodile.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Lost everything! Honey stocks bottomed out. Heffalump Investments filed Chapter 11. Chief Analyst P.Bear grumbled "Really I'm a bear of very little brain." & took a slow train back

Black bark gives you fire ash. You give worms to mother. I heard old man spit. This is what I pull not that.