Dora the Explorer hated children. It was the network's big secret. She lived in a retirement community that disallowed kids. She herself was 98, but due to Gary Coleman disease

Guido Takahashi regretted the cruelty of his calling. On Earth, people's lives were so circumscribed, so delimited, so predictable that internal screaming

There's no tomorrow. Seriously, if you think about it, there can't be. The past doesn't exist either. You want to know something else? Life is utterly pointless, there's absolutely

Fact: One in four house fires are caused by a drunk person trying to cook food. Also a fact: Mort had just fired up the stove and was about to add to the statistics.

I think I've found a locally offered MFA program that interests me. Perhaps I'll start it this year.

Heaven's Gate cult leader Marshall Applewhite had the last laugh. The really hard last laugh because when they got on the spaceship they saw a bunch of Mormons on their way

Jeremy had a time machine and sent himself back before The Singularity to a time when things made sense and people could speak in sentences instead of bobbling around like fish in

After I'd used up most of the credit on prank calls, I thought it would be funny to text a message to a random person on the address list. I wrote "Where should I dump the body?"

Sheltie looked at Human square in the eye, and began the mind-meld. "Look into my eyes, you are getting very guilty, guilty because you have not give me the bacon."

As starliner Ariela returned to the homey sight of Titan, Bertie Grunch, Salad Prep 2nd Class, was filled not with a sense of wonder, but bitter hatred toward the glitterati in the

Knivskjellodden. Just a few more meters in the icy water and a sheer cliffs face between him and the end of his journey. His start in Gavdos seemed eons ago. Even extreme athletes

A young married woman was burdened with the problems of married life and approached her mother. Her mother took 3 pots of boiling water. In one she inserted a carrot, in another

What was that...smell? Bubba wrinkled his nose and scratched his head, trying to match memory with the distinctive odor which suddenly permeated the closet. Mom? Is that you?

The McGriddle said to the McDonald's employee, "I am evil."

When transmat became cheap and reliable he couch-surfed around the globe. But even with friends he often stayed in a corner, bandages still on his head. One evening, though, he

When I was a kid I thought there were Cuddlefish - really comfortable fish you could sleep with at night - and that an Octopus was a cat with eight heads. Boy, was I sorely

He had won. But it had left him empty and tired. The national pork shortage was just the first of many problems he was going to have to face. All he wanted to do was

My parasitic twin and I were enjoying a leisurely stroll down the avenue when out of nowhere came the call of the world's rarest avian species, a bird so rare that only one was

"But the end of the world... bla bla.. mayans.... bla bla... higher consciousness... bla bla....intergalactic alignment yada yada...." "Uhum, yeah.... pass the potatoes honey"

It was a dark and stormy night. So I've been told. I really didn't notice. I had my head in the oven at the time. I was drunk and forgot to turn the gas on, fell asleep and