When I was a kid I thought there were Cuddlefish

When I was a kid I thought there were Cuddlefish - really comfortable fish you could sleep with at night - and that an Octopus was a cat with eight heads. Boy, was I sorely

mistaken as the poison from the cuttlefish coursed through my veins. I didn't sign up for this! The glossy trifold brochure of the local aquarium was so misleading.

My last vision was of what appeared to be an aquarium janitor coming at my neck with a pocket knife. He'd seen an episode of Scrubs the night before where an emergency tracheotomy

was not a part of the episode. The janitor cut a hole in the back of my neck. But, there was an assistant janitor who had been a doctor and he was able to

attach a garden hose to the hole and pipe the streaming blood into a sprinkler. That Emo guy from twilight ran naked under the sprinkler like a

twisted version of Carrie on prom night. What ever happened to birthday parties with cake, ice cream, magic shows and clowns? Naked emos and bloody sprinkler systems aside, the

party was a hit. If you ignored the baby doll arms sticking out of the jello, the black balloons that read "Death is Near," it was pretty festive. ' it was pretty festive.

it was pretty festive. He thought if he repeated it 3 times he would wake up in place where the balloons were colorful with hearts & smilies but his glass slippers were anthracite

and didn't fit anyway. He took the coal slippers off and threw them on the fire and warmed his hands near the flames. Then there was a knock at the door - it was the prince!

Prince had fetched some frog slippers for him. These felt much more comfortable on his abnormally handsome feet. "Good boy! Good doggy." He scratched Prince's ears & read to him.