He was old. And he was stupid. He was the last of his kind. Facing total extermination he grabbed a butter knife and plunged it deep into

Timo The Middle Manager got his start the day he hung up his mask and tights. He had been the superhero

On the Importance of Commas in the English Language: Man bacon is so good. I need to eat poop and shower before work. But this toilet's only for elderly disabled pregnant children.

The booming sound was clear and immediately recognizable. He looked quickly out the window at the wall of snow sliding down the mountain toward him.

Blinded by inspiration from the recent Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue I painted some board shorts on myself and headed down to the beach.

Dog walker Katrina Klaus was found not guilty today of violating the local poop-scooping ordinance despite photographic evidence against her that purportedly depicted a huge

I named my first born Mountain Dew because

I dusted off my Wii, content to play it. I pulled out the only game I owned, unplayed for years, the game was Super Mario Galaxy. I remember all the times that I would

As I was heading into work, my mind started to drift from one topic to another. I wondered if I had left the coffee maker on? Was I teaching 9 English or 10 History first? When

TEN!

The day Smurfette missed her period was very stressful in the hidden Smurf Village.

I attached this roller skate to this severed triceratops head precisely for an event such as this. Why it's perfect for

“You’re listening to WWJD 106.3 FM “The Moose”. For tonight’s Local Produce segment, we’re pleased to have Maine’s own rock keyboardist prodigy, Juan Charles. How do you do, Juan?”

"Argonaut to Titan Station I, attempting emergency orbit insertion sequence to Vulcan. Apogee at...T-9 min. Artifact is transmitting in tight beam X-band. Drake here. Do you Copy?"

Mother Nature's PMSing pretty hard right now, you guys.

One day I was out on the old boat doing some fishing when I hear someone yelling from in the middle of the lake. I drive my boat over and I see

The Dog Knight lowered his visor. His bone lance was aimed directly at the Unicorn Dragon. This would be the end of the Charred Oppression.

"Today on Kitchen Miracles we're going to fix filet mignon in a lobster sauce, smothered in caviar and truffles, for a family of four, all for only $10! First you want to start

King "Buddy" Tut admired the handiwork of his people: the stately cheesecake pyramid he had decreed, with a border of palm fronds and candy crocs. But cheesecake fundamentalists de

One day, I was running on the beach and fell into a huge hole.