I drew the robe tightly about me and settled down for a nice long nap. But the robe was not a robe. It was a piece of military technology designed to kill me. Awwwkwwarrdd....

Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. went the big ghastly

I found a grumpy Dutchman in my kitchen this morning demanding breakfast. "I haven't got cornflakes," I apologised, "only cocoa pops." He slammed his spoon down, a guttural stream

I'm not sure anyone was really surprised the day I screamed some pretty colorful new curse words at my boss, quit my job, and ran off to join the circus.

Sometimes, when Elfrida the pink sugar elephant felt sad, she'd call Bernie the liquorice panda. "Bernie, I have to talk. It's the white sugar mice. I can't stand their string tail

As a pastor of the Utilitarian Church of Objective Philosophy I've married people with cars, roller coasters, ferris wheels, video game characters & garden fences, but now I'll

Is it iconic or ironic when an poppa orc's roc pops corks in a stock IROC pumping shock rock?

-LUNKER! SPE-LUNKER! The reclusive, hermit mole man! Spe-lunker! Spe-lunker! A friend to all the kids!

His armor clanked as Arthur fenced to get past the iron shield of her chastity belt. "The kingdom for a locksmith!" he cried. Master Bracegirdle was called to the Queens bedchamber

Havran and the Jumping Spiders had attracted seven people to the club in Athens, GA. Havran was dispirited, but the drummer said "Great Magic can be done with small numbers" and so

Donny D'Angelo was so narcissistic he'd go into a hair salon and pay to sit and look at himself in the mirror for 30 minuntes and then say, "Qui bono, Don't change a thing."

To her credit, the wind was swinging the rope every direction but the one she wanted to go. Following it was never something she would have even considered.

It's amazing the things you do when you're young. I found my old diary. When I was 8 years old my goal in life was to be a vet for unicorns and narwhals, and to marry Fred from

Once there was a boy who had really spiky hair. This wasn't any regular type of spiky hair. He didn't use any gel. They were actually porcupine spikes, but he wasn't born that way.

Seti alpha 5, where the finest faux Corinthian leather is obtained for the sleeper vessel berths of the authentic reproduction of the DY100 which transported Khan Noonian Singh

I ate my 7th twinkle. "There's an apple on the counter if you want it." my roommate said. Nuuoooo. I then began to turn on the tv and I hear my favorite song ♫

Did I ever tell you about the time a boo tried to bubble on Ms. Watson? It was 1987. Hot, summer, wet, shower. Dean Jenkins had dropped a watermelon on his obdula oblongata

"There are monsters everywhere!" Jorge pleaded. "Little creepy creatures wearing tiny top hats who sing the blues! Also pop songs. You gotta believe me!" Only Rosa believed because

The cats were swarming around me and I fearfully looked towards the door. How could they have known my weakness? Only one thing stood between me and my salvation: the cats.

Your life is also what you experienced,otherwise how could we trust our own memories? Since we spend most of our time thinking about the future & the present is over before we even