I drew the robe tightly about me and settled

I drew the robe tightly about me and settled down for a nice long nap. But the robe was not a robe. It was a piece of military technology designed to kill me. Awwwkwwarrdd....

because I was strong with the force. My robe was part of my Jedi uniform, so even if it killed me it only made me powerful than anyone could ever imagine.

I pretended to be Luke Skywalker growing up and wore Darth Vader Halloween costumes. It was the fashion. Being young, you wanted to be cool.

i don't want to be cool now that I am old. I want to be the stick in the mud; the bone fragment in your burger. These days I just want to be the Emperor until somebody's father thr

ows a dubstep party upon which I will rain a Kuiper blast of meteoric vitriol upon their indolent yuppies until every last ear drum ruptures. Now that I am old, I want to be old.

I want to wear my trousers rolled, eschew peaches, and welcome the dying of the light. But society keeps demanding that I try to be young. Commercials for wrinkle creams and

adult diapers are sending me conflicting messages. Why do I wish I had been ragged talons scraping on the ocean's sawdust covered floor? Because I can't take watching another comme

dia dell’arte performance! I wanted to move to the Theatre of the Absurd: Pinter! Ionesco! Beckett! Trump! However, the best I could do was find a couple of grubby hand puppets and

do pantomime on the West Bank in Paris. The hand puppets limited me in trying to convey the existential dread of the Zeitgeist. They could shrug their shoulders because they didn't

have a future unless they took the reins themselves.