The Perpetrator and The Eunuch sat atop the Empire State Building. They gazed out at the throngs of unsuspecting men and women, plotting their next caper.

Nelly the elephant

In the boardroom - 15 farts in suits & me. The fund manager gives me a note - a small cock+balls. I draw a heart round it & push it back. Not laughing - max points to me! The Chair

I have no intention of appearing in this foldingstory. However,

First lima beans, and now this! Stores never heard of broccoli, and no mention of it on the internet or even in Sally's cookbooks! Maybe she was jumping tracks into slightly diff

Once upon a time there was a girl called Jo. She was very frustrated with stuff.

All the things I say, and all the things I do, make me think life is easier when you're dead. So should I fix this? Or put a gun to my head?

All a zombie has to write on its shopping list is BRAINS, then underline it once or twice. But MY shopping list covers a whole used envelope, both sides. Problems!

Ronnie was the guttural screamer for Retching Uvulas, a death metal band. Lately he'd been listening to George Michael and hoped his bandmates would welcome a new direction. "Guys,

Petunia practiced en pointe on her trunk - her pink tutu like upsidedown tulip petals. All the other young elephants laughed. But she had ambition.

MEMO to all citizens. Christmas is cancelled, effective immediately. Please proceed directly to December 31. Happy new year!

Enter, Robbin said. "We should pass the gate by late noon Cora, anybody who's delayed for 2 second to jump will die, so take more than you can." Cora leaned and lined back in color

And I was still,but I was under your spell, when I was told by Jesus all was well. So all must be well. Just give me time. Well you know your desires and mine. So wrap my flesh in

"It's an interesting case, Detective. Apparently this news crew was filming a man being mauled and shredded by feral cats, when they were all blind-sided by something -- else."

My kitty, Ted, is the biggest badass cat in the world. He weighs 21 pounds and wakes me up each morning by sitting on my face each morning until I can't breathe.

I submitted my paperwork to the Department of Major Fuck-ups who then mistakenly forwarded part of my application to the Dept. of Incompetence where some geriatrics sent it to

She stood there, pick axe in her hand, pools of blood by her feet. All was silent,

But in the version of Earth that they had just slid to, Microsoft and Apple had both failed miserably. The resulting vacuum had been filled by Timex-Sinclair, and, now T/S 10000s

I tentatively removed a wooden block and the tower came crashing down. It released a puff of red smoke that negotiated its way up Sarah's nose. She

The luminous figure, off to the East, was known as the Beauty Bell Tower, where all the birds gathered to chirp their tune. Where many luscious flowers threw, ripe for the picking