Johnny hasn't been the same since he got back from 'Nam. Sometimes I can still hear him scream,

Contenders for male of the century: guy that invented body paint, guy that convinced chicks that yoga/strechy pants/leggings are fine in public, guy that sends the VS catalog, guy

You want to hit me with a stick. But all I've got is a guitar pick.

"Hi, Y'All. Today we're making Black Strap Molasses Bacon Cookie Pancake Butter Cream Puffs with a Bourbon Vanilla Fudge Twinkie sauce," gushed Paula Dean. Her eyes gleamed like

He was old. And he was stupid. He was the last of his kind. Facing total extermination he grabbed a butter knife and plunged it deep into

"TMI" "Huh?" "TMI - 'too much information', like when your buddy says, 'Since my wife has me on this vegan diet my turds are green.' or . Get it?"

That the beautiful woman was dead was no question. Her skin was cold and white, her body still, silent. The note he pulled out from her bag said only one thing, "Margret knows

Ana was carrying 2 huge bags of groceries back to her flat near the Gare du Nord. A kerb-crawler was following her, door open: "Viens ici cherie" "You think I'm a tart with snacks?

There is one thing I know for sure about myself: I don't know how to write a college essay. I can ride a horse while standing up and juggling, I can paint a better painting than

Sister Mary Tarantula woke from her unexpected nap. The classroom was deserted and the ruler was missing, but she did not need it. Looking eastward, her eyes narrowed. "Putin." She

The wild west saloon fell silent when Baby crawled in. Gun hand at his hip, Snake-eyes Muldoon spoke in whiskey throated baby-talk "Ain't you a cute widdle oobity-boo? Yes you are!

In a huge pond, there lived many fish. They were arrogant and never listened to anyone. In this pond, there also lived a kind-hearted crocodile.

It snuck up on me, unaware, but as soon as its icy stream of abuse marched across the difficult-to-bend hairs on the back of my neck--down the 40 miles of bad road that is my spine

No one would every guess my password. I took the numbers 1 through 5, and typed them in ... backwards!

MJ died on the anniversary of the moon landing. The NASA creeps hated him for getting all the moonwalk clicks. I use Google to expose conspiracies , but its a two-edged sword since

The day Smurfette missed her period was very stressful in the hidden Smurf Village.

When the explorers of the sexy naked body discovered the windy back passage it was only a matter of time before a gust of wind would cause the navigation to be blown off course

The story of Game of Gnomes was about different gnome families competing via hopscotch battles for ground in the garden. The gnomes who occupied the rose garden

I ordered the penne, asked for more iced tea, and fiddled with my napkin. It was too much too soon - the crowd, a date, the fake plants, the odd number of slices in the bread-

If I told you once, I told you a thousand times...don't pick your nose! Cramer bent his head in shame, knowing she'd have to tell him a thousand and one times. An anger boiled up