I am afraid of parked cars with curve feelers, two toed sloths, windshield wipers that move outwards simultaneously, bad stand-up comedians, surly drive-in attendants,

The unnervingly large toddler was sucking on an apple Jolly Rancher at the playground one day when out of the blue, he started to choke. His mother wasn't paying attention, so I

She was nauseated. Clearly the problem wasn't what she was eating. It was what she was looking at while she was eating. It would have been better if

Luke was walking down the dark alley home late at night. He had just came home from a party when a howl ho a wolf was heard.Attempting to get home as fast as possibe he ran.Then...

"Congratulations" hissed Derek, acidly, as the door slammed behind the photocopier repair man. "Once again you demonstrate the diplomatic dexterity of Joachim Von Rippentrop."

To be listed in the Financial Times annual ranking of the percent of executive bonuses given to charity Mr Pigley would have to dig deep. Last year some top execs gave 0.01% of the

Fil·i·bus·ter (noun): The use of irregular or obstructive tactics by a member of a legislative assembly to prevent the adoption of a measure. See also: Peeniebuster, Davenbuster,

"Time for our date," said Death, patting the backseat of the tandem bike. I wanted out. "Sorry, I, uh, didn't bring a helmet. I wouldn't wanna fall off and die." This saddened him

and so it begins

Hello faithful blog readers. I'm going to depart from our usual political discourse today and share a parable that I think will clearly illustrate the state of our society. Bob

"Ball Don't Lie" was the slogan of Madame Fortuna's Magic 8-Ball Shakery & Readery. Seeing as how an 8-Ball can't knowingly tell an untruth, I couldn't disagree. Her rates were

"Do not press." Whoops too late! You see, I wish they told me that before I

Pee Wee Herman said that the Secret Word of the Day for today is: "the"...OK? Ready to tell the (AHHHHH!!!!) story? Here goes: Pee Wee and Cowboy Curtis decided to go camping.

"My name's not Shirley. And I never joke. Also, that's not milk you're drinking."

Giomo's world was unraveling. He asked, "Are we all just meat and bones, full of fictions?" Marissa petted him. "Don't be silly, darling. I have these cool augments as well!" Her

Wow, so many shipping options: Ground, air, next-day, Santa... ...Santa? It says here that he accepts payment in cookies. I'm not sure how I feel about elf labor, but at this price

At the inaugural meeting it became clear to the members of the Crumpet Lovers Society that they would need a larger venue. Crumpet Lovers struggled to hear the intense debate about

It's 1:37 a.m. EST on Christmas morning and I'm sitting here surrounded by wrapped presents thinking "Is this IT? Is this what it's all about?" If Christmas could be different, I'd

Dominique Haldemann, Master of the PVC pipes headlined Urs Tikumu's Save the World concert at the Aluminum Can Colosseum in the Recycling Capitol of the World, "

Egregiel went first. "I was given five worlds to watch over. Five! And they just loafed around making up stories and killing each other instead of mingling." Agrariel commiserated: