As I gardened, gazing towards the autumnal sky, I longed to run my finger through the trail of mucus left by a single speckled slug – innocuously thrusting past my rhododendrons –

"Has anyone seen the remote? Hey, Trouble, what you got in your mouth. Come 'ear. Oh, shhi, Trouble stay. I said stay!" Then Trouble bit down. The channel changer switched to

Anderson Chive had found ways to endure the book-signings. But undercover reporter Melody Snark challenged him. "Mr. Chive, isn't it true that you have made a mockery of fiction?"

"You know what torques me? That you can't unlike. I mean, say some damned folder gets on your s-list, and you want to unlike every contribution of theirs you've liked? What then?"

Carnival. The kettle corn was almost shouting out the smell from the port-o-poties. Almost. The man in the red shirt was carrying a giant clown head under his arm. I lit my smoke a

The man beside me picked up a burger, chewed, and swallowed. Soon, that burger was gone. Then, another. And another. After the fourth or so, I began to wonder if he would ever

"Blow the tard!" Fagan scriffed. "Quilous...Quilous!!" But the tard mustilated afore Egan could quill it. The tarx tittified greevingly until Fagan swomped testyward. "Egan, you

There are two toilets in my house. One is for us; one is for guests. I think this is tremendously unfair because we don't even get that many guests but they get to use the clean

Before her arrival, the house became full of odd devices. The washing machine decorated mom's room. A hole was made in the wall, so that the pipe would get into the bathroom.

Helga was going to go for the Starvation Diet, but decided Hunger Strike made more sense for her. First, Helga weighed herself. Shockingly,

IN MY CLASS DURING,ENGLISH LESSON I WAS DAYDREAMING ABOUT WHAT TO EAT FOR LUNCH IN THE CANTEEN.SUDDENLY, MY TEACHER STARTED CALLING MY NAME'RAHUL' STOP DAY DREAMING BUT I STILL

Keith had stumbled on the winning combination of monosyllabic AND grumpy quite by accident. But when he used this technique on his sister's best friend's cousin, the effect wa

You were reading this sentence when you suddenly decided that you would add a sentence or two to it!

I'd saved and saved and it was finally here: my interpretive sign for the center about How to Water a Tree. Most people think you can

The recruitment officer stared at me. "A building's on fire, you have to save everyone inside. What are your preferred tactics?" I thought about it. "I like the orange ones. Why?"

"Look, if you’re smart, you’ll get in touch with Wilkins. He’s the butler. You’ll learn a lot from him. He knows where all the bodies are buried."

A wastebasket for the upstairs, a garbage bin for the garage, and a hamper just to have around. There! I have completed my bucket list.

The pepper had a pleasant fruity flavor when Dave first bit into it, but in less than a second, he was almost convinced his mouth was actually on fire. He began to regret his decis

A poet has senses that cannot even be felt, and so in the subtly shifting tenebrae of a white night in Sankt Peterburg, 1895, Andrei wrote, without knowing why: "LET'S ROCK!!!"

"I just feel...sexy" the homeless guy sitting next to me on the Metro said to no one in particular. His hand, surprisingly clean and immaculately groomed, slowly snaked its way