"The worst part about getting old," she said, "is forgetting things. Who are you again?" She smiled passively. "I'm James, Gran. Your grandson." He was always so patient with her.

He posed as a depressed woman in her 20s.

But Bill Clinton wasn't going to be shown up by some pencil-necked blue-blood yankee. He grabbed up as much as he could carry, all of it was soiling his

It hurt. God, it hurt. I thought I'd never die after I saw that blade cut me down. But I did die. I saw myself lying there with those terrifying empty eyes. I died. But... what is

The bear slowly unzipped the tent and peered inside. A wide-eyed couple peered back. He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you have any honey lozenges? Sore throat." The commercial

Ida burrowed down the bed & placed her ice cold feet into the crook of her husband's knees. "Stop squealing like a girl! You'll get used to it," she said as he squealed like a girl

Don't look back, don't ever look back. I swallowed hard, running as fast as my feeble legs would let me in the freshly fallen snow as I practically hyperventilated. Man, I really

A couple of months ago I was obducted by aliens, I'd been anal probed and forced to eat alien food.

Listen, you've all heard the term slack-jawed yokel before. Y'know, a country bumpkin? A rambling rutabaga? Cauliflower cousin? A crossroads vanilla bean? Well it's neither here no

Shishkabob was spell-checked, and the internet ordered for the word Higashiosaka to be used instead. This led to an entire city in Japan being grilled. The rugby players fought b

So let's just say, just purely for hypotheticals and stuff, that I was having sex with that duck. Do you think, theoretically speaking, that could have cause this rash right here?

School was about to suck when all of a sudden I ran into the wall. Yep it sucked sooner than I thought and it only began.

When you're rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation. You're a toymaker's creation trapped inside a crystal ball. And whichever way he tilts it,

No-o-obuddy knows what happened to O'Long John. Don Piano thinks he knows. Honey Badger don't care.

"1825 -- the year of the first steam locomotive. 1925 -- er, the year before pulp science fiction magazines hit the stands. And now, in the year 2025, we are proud to present:

Due to Newton's Law of Gravity, from where you are sitting, the weight of the world is not on your shoulders but on your butt.

There once was a man named Fred. Fred was very tall and had long blue hair, he had to shop at a special store because he was so tall! Fred really liked to wear blue jeans.

"A platypus in a fedora. Right here on the floora. Where's Dora? Have the Senora clean up this plethora of

It wish to convey the results of my experiments in this diary. The potion was a complete success with some possible side-effexs. The deteriashun ov smarts is uh dum-di-dum. Weeeee!

Since entering prison, the Menendez brothers have married, even though California does not allow conjugal visits for those convicted of murder or for those serving life sentences.