All hope seemed to be lost. But that was not true. Because, where CAPTAIN MISSOURI is, hope is with him.

Why is it that when the first thing we want to learn in a foreign language is new swear words? You travel & can't ask for directions but can call people mofos?

This a story of a boy who neve grew up

There's nothing on the telly except crying Scots.

Whatever twas, I liked it enough to put off doing the dishes again. That wasn't hard to do. Exotic lifeforms that formed on week old food encrusted plates deserved a chance at Life

My name is Chesty McVesty. I subscribe to the motto: "Keep on Truckin'" I use the half and half from Coffeeshops to fill my cereal bowl.

My uncle was obsequious, purple & clairvoyant, pompous, obese & ate cactus, dull, boring & omnipresent & criticized things he didn't know about. "He needs his knees removed!" said

Al reviewed the year's results. Screen time:Reading, Goal 1:1. Result 6:1. Percent calories from protein, fat, carbs, Goal 20/40/40, Result 10/60/30. Hours of sleep per night, Goal

I am Maurice Devulier, the Indiana Jones of perfumes. I hunt smells. The more exotic the better. I've staked out a kakapo mating arena. My object is the smell of a male kakapo.

Two days ago, Catatafish, of the Salmon School, was summoned by Lemmiwinks, hero of Mr. Slave's digestive sistem to help him kill his evil cousin, Sokratis.

I'm so confused about all this sexuality talk. When we were kids it was simple, you put on the fake raccoon mascot head, hide out in the bushes and try to find someone else in a

I would put something creative and novel into the new story box, but, i am very low on inspiration. So, um, there was a man named Bob. No, scratch that. His, no, her name is

Helicopter Mummy kept her children on track. Surely three minutes on the swingset would be enough for 8-yr-old Jeff to register that memory. His future in Tana-leave cultivation de

Once, there was a woman so blonde, even the sun envied her. He hair fell in long gold curls down her back. She had a small nose, red lips, bright eyes. She was perfect. Except...

The Shambly Man in his tattered cloak showed up in in the clean and gleaming quarters of Starbase 12, far from the woods of his youth. He tried to greet the people there, but

"The future of advertising is within!" announced Senator Wayward Conquest as he strutted during his TED talk. "We can make everyone sleek, healthy, long-lived consumers with our ge

After the embezzlement charges and the foreclosure I went underground. I'd been living in the subway for 5 years and thought I'd seen everything, but the glowing eyes and chewing

Just take a look at these photos: Lenin's speech, Hitler's speech, King's speech, Lennon's Peace-In, Nixon's resignation. He is always there, sitting two seats to the left.

Bart pushed himself away from the table. Nothin' like "All-U-Can-Eat Lamb Fries Night" at Sam's Truck Stop. Bart waved away the coconut creme pie he was offered and belched.

He breathed in the silence. It was his oxygen. Living in the Shadow Lands had chilled his metabolism. But he also could kill without retribution.