Where do I start? I suppose from Friday night. I left your house and drove home. All the way there my mind was on you and the too-short time we spent together. I opened the door to

The nudist colony had been a great little business back in the Seventies. But these days, Grin and Bare it was lucky if 34 people showed up in a

She wasn't crazy. It had been there the night before. The old house was there in its place, looking nothing like a five hundred story gateway to hell. No tentacles climbing her leg

Alien abductions are the worst. It's not just the experimentation, severing, stitching, and anal probing. Sure those things really suck and all. But what's with the elevator music

It wasn't the constant barking that annoyed me. No, I could live with that. And it wasn't the incessant whining, either. That was almost bearable. It really all came down to the

She had two heads. It wasn't a Siamese Twin thing. It was fusion. Walt Disney's head was not frozen, it was attached to her neck. In the back. That was the real brains behind Pixar

The short one sat at the table with her bible. The tall one arrived. She was so much hotter than the short one. But the short one was her spiritual adviser. They hugged, and then

I awoke to find myself surrounded by an army of well armed and thoroughly angry Peeps. Left-overs from last years Easter party, I was fairly certain that

Then he gave me the look that only a father can give his daughter. It’s the look that says “I carried you on my shoulders. I put a band-aid on your knee. I just want this one favor

You awaken on the banks of a cactus-lined river of acid. You wonder aloud at the sexy tickle in your lower pendiculum. Safron (had you dreamed her?) had warned you sternly not to

The hamster waited for him to go to sleep. He pushed back the bank of cedar chips. There was the hole. He squeezed through it. Climbed up on his bed. Crept onto his chest, neck and

The bananas had brown spots on them so they looked like giraffe's. He'd heard these were the cavendash bananas. He'd heard there were way tastier bananas than these but

Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced "bouquet") his role model. Meryl Streep his muse. Anderson Cooper his archenemy. Anson Williams

Even she knew when we put the bookshelf together, that Twilght would go onto the shelf of shame on the lower right corner. It was ok to admit you read it, but never to put it next

He slept under the covers for the first time since the ghost had been busted. That moment where he'd felt safe under the covers, then seen a ghost beneath had ruined his safe place

Madonna had taken to wearing blue shawls and an angelic expression. She had reclaimed her virginity like the first Elizabeth. Suddenly chaste was in Vogue.

I’d made a habit of hunching my shoulders and frowning when I saw myself in the mirror, practicing toughness that didn’t come naturally to my smirky, jovial face. The older I

Marilyn laughed her bubbly laugh, wiping the spillt wine off her dress like it was water. She picked up another cocktail and toasted the new year, her eyes steady and her voice

They wanted to chant the ten little Indians again. This time he started chanting, "Ten Little White People." The crowed was stunned into silence. All eyes upon him. How could

He blessed each of them as they kissed his ring. It was his favorite part of the morning and probably his last until he reached his new post where he'd have to start all over.