Josiah Cranshaw's storied life did not include him withering. So now he had some things to say before he started blithering:

Toner Pirates, they are the worst! More evil than CapnKid &LongJohnSilvers combined! How I was supposed to know it was all a scam? They sounded so legit, that is until 30 gallons

Dave got to his feet swaying slightly. "I hope that everyone associated with this travesty shites a Christmas tree," he proclaimed

Ted, come here. No, son, come here. I'm gonna need you to smell grandma. Hey, come here, she's your grandma. Come on, get in there, whiff it up there, you smell that? Don't it seem

"I am the Light and the Life" said the chipmunk.

This Christmas, I asked myself a very important question: "Has anything about me changed? Why do I still hate the world? And where's the turkey?" But this time, it'll be different.

Black bark gives you fire ash. You give worms to mother. I heard old man spit. This is what I pull not that.

Always I begin empty and lose nothing constantly until I am full again.

"Calories should be conserved, not wasted! Always take the elevator. Use a drive-in or have food delivered." Big Bob lowered the remote. Adi Johnson's late night infomercial

Frankîe tripped over a small customer with his clubfoot & his tablet with whole pork crashed into a chandelier & fell on the cheese trolley. The maître d' called him a dumb waiter

Dump wrasslin'. Who wants ta watch nekkid sweaty men grabbin' their thongs? An' what's this. Discus throw? That's s'posed ta be oh-riginal recipe Olympic sport? It's a Frisbee for

"We'll get a parcel of land out in Amazonas Planitia. Rumor say the land is fertile, the natives friendly." Pa hitched up our Lopers & we joined the next wagon train. The martian

A dark shadow watched Wolverina Puckeridge saunter down an alleyway in her iron heals and patented Stoatbag. Crime had plummeted in Gotham since she opened the Stoat academy

I sat there in the darkness with tears in my eyes, nothing made sense here, at least not anymore.

There was a thud in the kitchen, a sound like the muffled wail of a cat, and then silence. Martha reached for her walker & started towards the kitchen, sure that this time Fluffy

The only problem with writing Twilight fanfiction, and it's a big one, is that you have to read the Twilight books.

I slid down the zipline which was high above the sea of lava. There were creepers everywhere. There was no way out. I was trapped. I jolted awake. I was trembling with fear from

It had been hours since the rigor mortis took over, and yet still Trey's consciousness remained locked inside of his lifeless body. "Fuck." he thought to himself silently.

Personally, I thought $800 for a kid's birthday party was a little much, but Kathy said that everybody who was anybody was hiring Bip the Clown these days. $800! I wonder what

When I first met her I was appalled because she was trying to tie off the ring finger of her left hand so it would fall off. She thought it would protect her from future marriage.