If there's one thing I hate it's midget amateur snowmobilers with a lisp and a hairlip. If there's two things I hate it's

Here's the thing: I'm only human. On top of that I'm a dude, so I'm only a MALE human. You people have got to lower your expectations a few notches. I mean, if you're going to

I hate flies. I HATE them. The way they buzz around and zoom back and forth. They're dirty! The NOISE they make. They just bug me! And Michael bugged me too. That's why I had to

Steve had learned through experience that New Year's resolutions like losing weight and being faithful to his wife were unreasonable. He lowered the bar this year by resolving to

Penelope shrieked upon discovering that the most elegant fold she had ever belabored had been succeeded by a blatant, malicious act of narrative sabotage.

CSI: Omaha. The show were we see intrepid scientists wheel about in their office chairs and play Canasta. The lead investigator stares out the window and waits and waits...

He saw the paper toilet seat covers. He pulled out his baggy. Inside was a powdered eczema flakes, scabs, blister husks and dried puss. He blended them in the coffee grinder. Then

A broken robot lay in the corner of the room, it's blinking insides that had been exposed light up the room very dimly. She stepped back into something cold and hard... And moving.

The unrest in the middle east was getting entirely out of control. We would have to quickly install new dictators or our oil supply would dry up. The CEO of B.P. was worried now we

"Sweetheart, let's just forget this birds and the bees talk. First, bees have one female that a lot of men have sex with and well, birds, have sex in public. Maybe instead we

A tired eye watched as the sun fell over the crystal mountains, too soon were the shadows rising above the shattered lands. Dominik raised his hand as the massive sun glided over

Is God real? Is a question I ask myself many times a day. But

Does he have a chance? Can he find his way out of this mental haze? This fog that has left him all alone. He cries out for help, but nobody hears. He is left alone with all his fe

A couldnae bring masel tae tell her o' aw the damage the storm had caused oor wee croft. It wisnae so much the beltin rain or the howlin wind but the men that came wae it. They...

The King died, and the Queen was about to die of grief, when the coroner brought her the mocking note their Nemesis had stuffed in the King's mouth. That certainly ticked her off!

Once committed to being unpredictable, there was no turning forward. Ha! Thought I was going to say "back, didn't you? Enumerating is nix. Using proper nouns OUT. Hanging from my

"She didn't!" "Oh, she really did!" "Come on, I'm serious. She didn't!" "I'm not fooling you, she really did." We went back and forth like this for about an hour. My confusion

Twenty-five years before our story starts, a one thousand strong guild of terrible wizards called the Yaku pooled their power to destroy the world.

If she'd known she would be dangling like this, she would have worn something different that day. Not that she should be worrying about who could see up her shorts right then, but

There are times when the left hand knows nothing of what the right hand believes, and so it was that gloomy day in Moscow in 1968, when Gorsky put on his overcoat and stepped into